May 2008
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Stop telling me I'm a
saint – I'm just taking care of Mom
If anyone had told my brothers and
sisters I would be the one to care for Mom, they would have laughed
out loud!
By Nancy Schertzing |
Photography by Jim Luning
If anyone had told my brothers and sisters
I would be the one to care for Mom, they would have laughed out
loud! I gave her a real run for her money after Dad died.
I adored my dad! He was handsome and charming and fun. He always
told us we could do anything we wanted to do and encouraged all
of us – girls included – to go to college. He pushed
us to think without color barriers. We put him on a pedestal. When
he died, I was devastated.
Now I can see we were pretty oblivious to how hard it must have
been for Mom, raising eight kids, nursing my dad through his illness,
and caring for Aunt Loretta for 10-plus years. As long as I could
remember, Mom was always in the background taking care of us and
keeping things running. She wasn’t your typical mother or
grandmother. She taught us to be very independent, yet she set an
example that in our family we take care of each other.
When people find out I’m caring for my mom, I always hate
it when someone tells me I’m a saint. I’m no more a
saint than Mom was when she was raising us kids. It’s my mother
who needs caring for; why wouldn’t I? When the time came,
I was single. My kids were grown and independent. I think it was
providence.
Now, to be honest, if in 2002 someone had laid out the next five
years and said, “OK, Sharon, this is how it’s gonna
be,” I’m afraid I might have said “no.”
I have had to mourn the loss of my independence and my house. I
have had to do things I never thought I could do for another person.
I have seen 23 care-givers come and go because I had to work, but
Mom didn’t like strangers in her house.
And I had to let go of my hope that by living with my mom I’d
have time to build a closer relationship with her – maybe
feel like she loved me. With her stroke and the dementia that followed,
I spent the first year realizing I would never get the relationship
I wanted, because the woman with me now isn’t my mom.
One of my biggest challenges centered on going to church. I knew
if I lived with her, I’d have to take Mom to church every
Sunday. It was almost a deal-breaker. I couldn’t lie anymore
and tell her I was going when I really wasn’t. And I couldn’t
just go out of obligation. I was too old for that. I would have
to learn to pray again.
After that very tough first year, I didn’t know if I could
live with and care for my mother anymore. Yet I obviously had to
keep doing it. I remembered that same terror I felt in the final
month of my first pregnancy. I was 17, scared to death, and I knew
there was nothing I could do about it. I had felt trapped back then,
and I was feeling trapped again 30 years later.
I remember sitting in church, praying with all my might, “Please
help me find an answer for how I’m going to keep doing this,
Lord. It’s just too hard and I’m not getting anything
out of this.” I was begging.
Then, suddenly, a message came clearly to my mind. “You are
not taking care of your mother. You are taking care of me.”
I had my answer.
I love that thought! Before I went to live with my mom, my recent
lifestyle wasn’t in line with my faith. I didn’t realize
what a useless, unimportant life I was living before moving in with
her. Now I’m doing something important and so worthwhile!
Things have never been better. All eight of us kids are speaking
to each other and doing something different to help with Mom’s
care. One of my daughters and my retired brother-in-law come in
to care for her during the day.
While I never got a deep relationship with the mother I grew up
with, I now have someone who has come to appreciate hugs and saying
“love you.” In the last five years, she has come a long
way in accepting our care. I can’t tell you how moving it
was when I walked up to her bed during a hospital stay and she reached
out her arms and said, “Will you give me a hug?” I don’t
think I’ll ever forget that.
I don’t know how we got to the point in our society where
if we don’t know what to do with our elderly we just get rid
of them. I know my mom didn’t always love taking care of me
for the 17 years she did. But she was always there for me and my
brothers and sisters. She also always set an example of caring for
family, and she has always expected that her children would take
care of her when the time came.
I think she asked me because she knew I would do it. Every day,
I worry I’m not doing a good enough job. I guess we’re
always hardest on ourselves. But I love my mom! Looking back, I
think she’s the one I should have had on that pedestal all
along.
Welcome Bishop Earl Boyea
Photography by J. Carlson
Pope Benedict XVI has appointed Detroit Auxiliary Bishop
Earl Boyea as the fifth bishop of the 10-county Catholic Diocese
of Lansing. Pope Benedict XVI has accepted the resignation
of Bishop Carl F. Mengeling.
On Feb. 27, 2008, Pope Benedict XVI appointed Archdiocese of Detroit
Auxiliary Bishop Earl Boyea as the fifth bishop of the Catholic
Diocese of Lansing. Bishop Boyea succeeds Bishop Carl F. Mengeling,
who has led the diocese since Jan. 25, 1996.
Bishop Boyea was born April 10, 1951. His home parish was Our Lady
of the Lakes in Waterford and he attended the parish school. After
eighth grade, he entered Sacred Heart Seminary High School and then
attended its college, where he earned a B.A. in history. From there,
he went to the North American College in Rome and studied at the
Gregorian University, where he received an S.T.B in 1976 and an
S.T.L. in biblical theology in 1980.
He was ordained a priest on May 20, 1978. After ordination, he served
as associate pastor at St. Michael Parish, Monroe, and then at St.
Timothy Parish, Trenton. After a brief stint as the temporary administrator
at St. Christine Parish, Detroit, he returned to Sacred Heart Seminary
as professor of church history and scripture. In addition to assisting
with Masses on weekends, Father Boyea earned an M.A. in American
history from Wayne State University in 1984. In 1987, he received
his Ph.D. in church history from the Catholic University of America.
From 1990 through 2000, he served as dean of studies at Sacred Heart
Seminary and in 2000, was named a prelate of honor.
In February 2000, Msgr. Boyea became rector/president of the Pontifical
College Josephinum in Columbus, Ohio. He served there until he was
named auxiliary bishop of Detroit and titular bishop of Siccenna.
He was ordained a bishop Sept. 13, 2002. His motto, in manus tuas
(into your hands), is taken from the final words of Jesus on the
cross, according to the Gospel of Luke. As auxiliary bishop of Detroit,
Bishop Boyea was given responsibility for the northeast region of
the Archdiocese of Detroit, which includes the following vicariates:
Blue Water, Central Macomb, Genesis, North Macomb and SERF.
Bishop Boyea is a member of the United States Conference of Catholic
Bishops Ad Hoc Committee on Priestly Formation. He is also a member
of the following societies: Catholic Biblical Association, Fellowship
of Catholic Scholars, American Historical Association and the U.S.
Catholic Historical Society. His writings have appeared in a variety
of publications, including the Catholic Historical Review and Michigan
Historical Review.
Bishop Boyea will be installed as the bishop of Lansing April 29
at 2 p.m. at St. Thomas Aquinas Parish, East Lansing. On April 28,
a vesper service will be held at St. Mary Cathedral, Lansing at
7 p.m. Bishop Boyea will succeed Bishop Carl F. Mengeling, now age
77. As is customary, Bishop Mengeling submitted his letter of resignation
upon his 75th birthday. Pope Benedict XVI accepted Bishop Mengeling’s
resignation Feb. 27, 2008. Until Bishop Boyea’s installation,
governance of the diocese rests with its college of consultors or
with an administrator appointed by them or the Vatican.
Carl F. Mengeling was born Oct. 22, 1930 in Hammond Ind., the second
son of Carl H. and Augusta Huke Mengeling. He was ordained a priest
on May 25, 1957 in Gary, Ind. Father Mengeling earned a doctorate
in sacred theology in Rome.
Father Mengeling became a monsignor in June 1984 and on Nov. 7,
1995, was named the fourth bishop of Lansing, succeeding Bishop
Kenneth Povish. He was ordained a bishop Jan. 25, 1996 at St. Mary
Cathedral, Lansing. He has served the Diocese of Lansing as its
bishop for 12 years.
Bishop Boyea will become the fifth bishop of the Diocese of Lansing,
which was created out of the Archdiocese of Detroit and the Diocese
of Grand Rapids in 1937. It comprises Clinton, Eaton, Genesee, Hillsdale,
Ingham, Jackson, Lenawee, Livingston, Shiawassee and Washtenaw Counties.
The Diocese of Lansing’s 97 parishes and pastoral centers
serve 222,519 Catholics.
How a bishop is appointed
Stage 1: Bishops’ recommendations
Every bishop may submit to the archbishop of his province the names
of priests he thinks would make good bishops. Prior to the regular
province meeting (usually annually), the archbishop distributes
to all the bishops of the province the names of priests who have
been submitted to him and their curricula vitae. Following a discussion
among the bishops at the province meeting, a vote is taken on which
names to recommend. The number of names on this provincial list
may vary. The vote tally, together with the minutes of the meeting,
is then forwarded by the archbishop to the apostolic nuncio in Washington.
The list is also submitted to the United States Conference of Catholic
Bishops (USCCB).
Stage 2: The apostolic nuncio
By overseeing the final list of names forwarded to Rome, the apostolic
nuncio plays a decisive role in the selection process. He not only
gathers facts and information about potential candidates, but also
interprets that information for the congregation. Great weight is
given to the nuncio’s recommendations, but it is important
to remember that his “gatekeeper” role does not mean
his recommendations are always followed.
For diocesan bishops
• After receiving the list of candidates forwarded by a province,
the apostolic nuncio conducts his own investigation into the suitability
of the candidates.
• A report is requested from the current bishop or the administrator
of a diocese on the conditions and needs of the diocese. If the
appointment is a replacement for a diocesan bishop or archbishop
about to retire, consideration will be given to the incumbent’s
recommendations. Broad consultation within the diocese is encouraged
with regard to the needs of the diocese, but not for the names of
candidates. The report is to include the names of individuals in
the diocese with whom the nuncio might consult and how to contact
them.
• Previous bishops of the diocese are consulted.
• Bishops of the province are consulted.
• The president and vice president of the USCCB are consulted.
• If the vacancy to be filled is an archdiocese, other archbishops
in the United States may be consulted.
• At this point, the nuncio narrows his list and a questionnaire
is sent to 20 or 30 people who know each of the candidates for their
input.
• All material is collected and reviewed by the nuncio, and
a report (approximately 20 pages) is prepared. Three candidates
are listed alphabetically – the terna – with the nuncio’s
preference noted. All materials are then forwarded to the Congregation
for Bishops in Rome.
On average, this part of the
process may take two to six months.
Stage 3: Congregation for Bishops
Once all the documentation from the nuncio is complete and in order,
and the prefect approves, the process moves forward. If the appointment
involves a bishop who is being promoted or transferred, the matter
may be handled by the prefect and the staff. If, however, the appointment
is of a priest to the episcopacy, the full congregation is ordinarily
involved.
A cardinal relator is chosen to summarize the documentation and
make a report to the full congregation, which generally meets twice
a month on Thursdays. After hearing the cardinal relator’s
report, the congregation discusses the appointment and then votes.
The congregation may follow the recommendation of the nuncio, chose
another of the candidates on the terna, or even ask that another
terna be prepared.
Stage 4: The pope decides
At a private audience with the pope, usually on a Saturday, the
prefect of the Congregation for Bishops presents the recommendations
of the congregation to the Holy Father. A few days later, the pope
informs the congregation of his decision. The congregation then
notifies the nuncio, who in turn contacts the candidate and asks
if he will accept. If the answer is “yes,” the Vatican
is notified and a date is set for the announcement.
It often takes six to eight months – and sometimes longer
– from the time a diocese becomes vacant until a new bishop
is appointed.
What do I know?
Has therapy replaced religion?
By Kimberly Laux| Photography by Tom Gennara
James Loree, a graduate of Michigan State University, is
a licensed master clinical social worker serving patients from his
private practice in Okemos. He treats clients recovering from addictive
behaviors. He is also a member of St. John Student Parish in East
Lansing.
FAITH: What are some of the most common mental
health issues that you’ve come across while working with patients
of the baby boomer generation?
I primarily work with patients dealing with depression; most have
experienced moderate to severe trauma in their lives. Often it is
exacerbated by addiction (alcohol, substance abuse or compulsive
gambling) and family issues. I find that many people often turn
to external sources for comfort or distraction from their pain,
instead of God, even if they claim to believe and have faith.
In a nutshell, how has mental health evolved over the last
60 years?
The mental health field has experienced changes ranging from scientific
theories and approaches to administration of insurance benefits.
New theories and approaches that address issues such as trauma and
relationships have been developed and mainstreamed into normative
psychological practice.
Perhaps the greatest change has been the administration of insurance
benefits. A few years ago, clients could seek services with minimal
challenges. Today both clients and therapists must deal with the
red tape to authorize, re-authorize and demonstrate clinical necessity
just to prove to insurance companies that every dollar spent on
therapy has yielded goal-directed results.
Do you think therapy is replacing faith and spirituality?
I do not believe therapy is replacing spirituality. In fact, they
often complement one another. I see spirituality as the “big
picture” that answers some of life’s most challenging
questions: Why am I here? What is my purpose?
Therapy attempts to increase one’s awareness, understanding
and skills to manage thoughts, emotions and actions in order to
decrease negative consequences or increase positive outcomes. Some
clients may exhaust therapy only to find spirituality through acceptance
that they do not have ultimate control over their lives. Through
this realization, clients can begin to take ownership over their
actions and respond in ways that benefit themselves and others.
In your opinion, what is the most appropriate way to approach
therapy?
Patients need to approach therapy with realistic expectations. Frequently,
clients assume that a therapist is going to fix them. This is far
from the truth! Therapists help clients acknowledge what they already
know on a deeper level – to confront the pain and accept the
facts about themselves and others so they can make conscious decisions
in their lives. This process is often long and difficult, but highly
worthwhile and rewarding. People must take responsibility for their
lives as a prerequisite to improving it.
School update – the process
for improving our schools.
What makes an excellent Catholic School?
Vatican II’s Declaration on Christian Education calls
for Catholic schools to incorporate the faith into a child’s
entire life – home, sports, friendships, music and video choices,
among others. It also bids educators “to relate all human
culture eventually to the news of salvation, so that the life of
faith will illumine the knowledge which students gradually gain
of the world, of life, and of humankind.” Therefore, students
should be able to apply Christian principles beyond religion courses
to all of their studies; from humanities to history; from geometry
to geology, and beyond.
While the Diocese of Lansing’s Catholic schools’ missions
incorporate these ideals, the reality of funding and the ever-changing
landscape in education guidelines keeps administrators, teachers
and parents jostling to assure that resources are met while meeting
rigorous standards. What are the 38 elementary and middle schools
and four high schools within the diocese doing to ensure excellence?
According to Sister Dorita Wotiska, OP, Ph.D., Diocese of Lansing
superintendent of schools, the partnership between school staff
and parents is providing an outstanding support network to make
Catholic education viable, relevant and exceptional.
Grading the graders
Ensuring that students receive the best education from faith formation
through core curriculum is a dynamic process.
“The diocesan curriculum guidelines are revised and updated
constantly to guarantee that we meet statewide requirements and
to ensure that students are receiving the educational and faith
requirements that the diocese believes are important,” says
Sister Dorita.
The stride toward achievement goes beyond curriculum development
– it is a constant search for school improvement as each school
in the diocese goes through a rigorous seven-year process of self-study
within 12 areas.
Experience has shown that the diocesan schools have surpassed the
measure set by the state. Diocese of Lansing students who have taken
the MEAP (Michigan Educational Assessment Program) test administered
to students at given times throughout their educational tenure have
fared far better than their public school peers. However, the diocese
is now looking to change the standardized testing procedure and
programs used to examine student progress.
“After a number of years, it is human nature to become used
to a certain formula, so it is time to switch and challenge our
students, teachers, and entire system again to move the marker of
excellence forward,” explained Sister Dorita.
Financing the future
Students learn when the schools are open. And the doors open only
when there are enough dollars to operate. This has been the struggle
with Catholic education throughout the country since the 1970s.
Archbishop John Foley, an American official in the Vatican, noted
that too few Catholics who can afford to donate money to the schools
do so. He also observed that as Catholics are becoming more affluent,
they are becoming less generous.
In order to educate our youth in the faith through Catholic schools,
it is imperative to provide students adequate facilities, instruction
and resources. The diocese has programs to help lower-income families
with tuition assistance, but this support is not as widely available
to middle-income families who are pinched by swelling expenses.
Yet, schools cannot stand idly by and wait for donors and supporters
to come knocking. The schools within the diocese are constantly
developing innovative ways to secure the needed dollars, as are
their counterparts in public schools. Annual auctions, up-front
tuition payment programs and developing relationships with major
donors are key components in most schools’ fundraising playbooks.
Partnering with the public
Collaboration is the hot topic in education today. Partnerships
aren’t exclusive to raising funds. Some schools are finding
unique ways to make their finances stretch while their instruction
costs are covered.
“Several of our schools are engaging with public schools to
utilize their teachers in non-core subjects such as art, band, music
and foreign language,” says Sister Dorita.
This relieves the diocesan school from hiring and incurring the
cost of part-time faculty and the public school wins by receiving
a portion of the tax dollar allocated to the hours spent teaching
each student.
At St. Martha School in Okemos, Williamston Public Schools have
been providing art, music and foreign language to the students since
2006. The program has worked so well that band was added this year.
“In essence, more collaboration means our schools get more
service, the public schools get more funds, and the parents see
some benefit for their taxes,” says Sister Dorita.
Walking the walk: St. John Vianney Catholic School –
Flint
Core subjects are taught throughout the day to the 260 pre-K through
eighth-grade students of St. John Vianney Catholic School in Flint,
just as they are to all students who attend elementary and middle
schools. One difference may be the emphasis of evangelization that
is generated from the Catholic teachings throughout the curriculum.
“We do all the normal things that any good Catholic school
would do to bring our students into a vibrant personal relationship
with Jesus,” says Elizabeth Petrides, St. John Vianney teacher
and parent. “We wrap our day with prayer. Religion classes,
of course, teach the faith, but more importantly, students learn
the faith in all other classes, as well. Science classes bring discussions
of God’s wonder in creation. Social studies classes explore
ways that people have or have not followed God’s ways and
the ensuing consequences. Music teachers instruct sacred and secular
compositions side-by-side. Physical education teachers encourage
good manners and hard work as part of Christian stewardship of our
gifts. Jesus is the center of our entire curriculum.”
St. John Vianney is different from most diocesan schools in that
it is racially diverse and 45 percent of the student population
is not Roman Catholic. These students and their families are fully
immersed in the Catholic faith, with the exception of the reception
of the sacraments.
Students take notice, and nearly every year several will ask to
be baptized and join the faith community. Last year, three second-graders
were baptized at a school Mass. Sometimes whole families become
part of the church as a result of the school is ministry.
Through the school’s active evangelization efforts, it has
encouraged vocations to priesthood and religious life, most recently
by inviting the diocesan vocations directors to speak to the middle-school
students. A vocations cross is a focal point in a different classroom
each week. As the students prepare to lead weekly all-school Mass,
they also pray in a special way for vocations. Also, teachers are
very open about personally encouraging these vocations.
Group improvements: Father Gabriel Richard
High School – Ann Arbor
A collaborative approach is key to making all teams work, especially
the fund development team at Father Gabriel Richard High School
in Ann Arbor. Yet the collaboration goes beyond the walls of the
high school to include community, diocesan, business and other nonprofit
partners.
The development team isn’t just the advancement department;
it is the chaplain, administration, business manager, facilities
director, athletic director. They gain input from the diocese, community
members, parents, teachers and all of the stakeholders to develop
plans and implementation steps that take into consideration more
than just the culture of the school and the region which encompasses
the student body.
Gabriel Richard, established as St. Thomas School in 1867, moved
into a new facility in 2003 after undertaking a $17 million capital
campaign.
“The school is very fortunate to have donors with a strong
passion for Catholic education,” states Elizabeth Schoch,
Gabriel Richard’s director of advancement. “Now that
our new facility is at capacity, we are unveiling a plan of giving
that will engage our feeder parishes to support the high school
on an annual basis.”
The current trend in philanthropic gifts is to designate funds to
specific programs. Given the economy in the state of Michigan, corporations
and private individuals must sift through many solicitations for
their discretionary dollars.
“As an institution, we must excite people with who we are
and what we offer as a Catholic institution,” says Schoch.
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