December 2007
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Home from war.
Matt's life will never be the same.
By Marybeth Hicks | Photography by Jim Luning
Sergeant Matt Falk is a quiet man. His words are few and deliberate. His delivery is measured; his responses reserved. So it comes as no surprise that he doesn’t say much about his service in Iraq. But, like the saying goes, “Still water runs deep.”
“I can’t really talk about what I’ve seen,” Matt says. “There’s no way to express it.” Instead, the 23-year-old Michigan Army National Guard veteran keeps his experiences to himself while he sorts out what war has taught him and how it has changed him.
Matt joined the Army National Guard while still a high-school senior in 2002. Following graduation, he headed to basic training and then went to Big Rapids where he enrolled at Ferris State University. Like all Guard units in post-9/11 mode, Matt’s Jackson-based unit continued to train one weekend per month and for two weeks each year while waiting for the inevitable call to active duty.
Other than his regular training for the Guard, Matt enjoyed the typical life of a young adult – school, work and hanging out with family and friends.
 At a party in the summer of 2005, mutual friends introduced Matt to a pretty, single mother named Chrystal. Soon, Matt’s young single life evolved into a committed relationship with Chrystal and her two children. In February 2006, the two were married at St. Joseph Shrine Church in Brooklyn, Matt’s home parish, where the couple had become active parishioners and where Chrystal had joined the Catholic Church through the RCIA.
While Matt continued as a student at Ferris, he and Chrystal were working through the difficulties of a weekend marriage. He was adjusting to life as husband to Chrystal and step-father to Christian, then 4, and Allison, 3, when the inevitable finally occurred. Duty called.
In June 2006, Matt’s unit was activated, destined for COB (Contingency Operating Base) Speicher near Tikrit, Iraq, an American base named for the 1991 Gulf War Coalition forces’ only air-to-air casualty, Navy Cmdr. Michael Scott Speicher. Matt’s assignment: mechanic and wrecker driver, following last in convoys behind his fellow members of 1461st Transportation Company/Heavy Equipment Transportation (CBT HET).
Like most Army National Guard members, Matt’s philosophy about serving his country is simple and straightforward: He joined to do a job. Yet Matt’s quiet nature lends itself to introspection, while the war itself has caused all soldiers to consider what matters most to them.
Matt learned what matters most is family.
“I didn’t pray for myself,” he says, “but I prayed for Chrystal and the kids. I worried about how she would handle everything. I knew she would be OK, but it bothered me that I didn’t have any control over things.”
Chrystal, 24, also found herself only able to pray for her new spouse, not herself. “I just prayed for him,” she says. Along with Chrystal, the entire faith community of St. Joseph Shrine prayed for Matt’s safe return home.
“It meant a lot to me to know the parish was praying for me,” he says. “That was a big deal.”
In a war many have decried as “God-forsaken,” Matt felt God’s presence each day while serving in Iraq. “Being there changed my opinions, changed my view of things,” he says. “I learned not to take my family for granted and I hope I’ll be more expressive with them now.” For a quiet man, this is a spiritual challenge, indeed.
Matt felt God’s protection in Iraq, as well. “We joked that God made it so the insurgents couldn’t shoot straight,” Matt laughs. On one occasion, Matt’s wrecker wasn’t in its usual place at the end of a convoy; coincidentally, the vehicle at the back was hit with enemy fire. No one was injured, though the wrecker may not have fared as well as the armored gun truck in Matt’s rearview mirror.
 During his 14 months in Iraq, Matt’s unit lost one member. “It happened when we were getting close to coming home,” Matt says. “It was hard. It changed the way I looked at things.”
Matt never felt that God deserted him in Iraq, though the things he saw confounded him. “What’s going on is nothing like what you see on TV,” Matt says. “There is so much to do – there is so much that’s wrong – but many people don’t want help. Maybe they don’t want to change. I try not to watch [the news coverage on] TV,” he says. “I don’t need to see it.”
The Iraqi people helped Matt to feel he was doing God’s work. “The local people were really nice – really supportive,” he says. “We helped them with supplies and humanitarian aid.” In this way, Matt gained a sense of being a part of a positive mission.
Mostly, though, Matt felt God’s presence in the constant support of his family, including his parents and younger sister. “I got so many packages it felt like Christmas every day,” he smiles. Technology also gave Matt the chance to be a part of holidays and special events back home. “We used a Web cam and I was able to watch the kids open Christmas presents and find Easter eggs,” he recalls. “In a way, it made it harder because I could see what I was missing, but it was really nice to still be a part of it in a way.”
In August, after only two weeks back home, Matt was enjoying time to relax and regroup. His Guard unit was on leave through the end of the year, and Matt was considering what to do next. One decision he quickly made was to re-enlist for another three-year commitment, even though it’s possible he will again be put on active duty. “I’m not worried about being called up again,” he says. “I would know what to expect.”
For now, the Falks are resuming the process of adjusting to married life. As for most couples, this means altering the way decisions are made and responsibilities are handled in the home. “I was used to doing things my own way while he was in Iraq and I’m really self-reliant anyway,” Chrystal says. Learning to again share decisions is just one aspect of re-entry for veterans that the Falks encountered. Another area that presents a challenge is in communicating about each person’s experiences during the separation.
“There’s no way she can understand what went on or what I went through,” Matt says. “You can’t explain it. I can talk to the guys in my unit who I’m close to, but not to Chrystal.”
During Matt’s absence, Chrystal also went through a tough time with the passing of a beloved grandmother. “It was hard to go through that without him, but we did the best we could.”
Army National Guard veterans’ counselors advised Chrystal and the rest of Matt’s family to let him talk about what he wants to share, but not to press him to discuss his time in active duty. “It’s hard because I want to know all about what he went through, but I can understand that there’s no way to really know unless you were there,” Chrystal says.
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When it's hard to come home
 Many service personnel return home to find that things have changed. Their spouses have had to run households and have doubled up on parenting responsibilities. Sometimes, it’s hard to know where to fit in and how to make the transition to civilian life. Visit the Michigan Department of Military and Veterans Affairs for information about how to handle this change – and to find out where to get help if you need it. They are on the Web at www.michigan.gov/dmva.
What do I know?
Why Mike came back to the Catholic Church
By Eileen Gianodis
Generally speaking, Mike Lamberjack, 37, needs proof. As a corporate auditor for the Internal Revenue Service, proof is part of his life. That’s why it comes as no surprise that he’s done extensive research on Catholic apologetics and his Catholic faith.
But that wasn’t always the case. In fact, six years ago, Mike and his family left the Catholic Church because “we weren’t really getting anything out of it. We would use almost any excuse in the book not to go to church.”
The Lamberjack family found something they were looking for when they attended an evangelical church.
“There was great music, great preaching, they really spoke to us,” he said. During this time, Mike and his family found that they learned more about the Bible, met great Christian people and strengthened their faith.
Something was still missing though.
After his father unexpectedly died a year ago, Mike and his family regularly accompanied his mother to weekly Mass.
“We began to sense God’s presence more strongly than ever before at Mass,” he said. “So we went to work learning more about the claims of Catholicism. I never learned them growing up and I needed to know: What’s the proof?”
After several months of extensive reading and research, Mike and his wife, Tracy, returned to the Catholic Church. They chose St. Mary Magdalen Parish because of a Welcome Home Sunday sign they saw.
“I just thought it was great that a church was reaching out, that’s what we wanted to be a part of,” he said. “It was the best of both worlds: fellowship and the Eucharist.”
What would you have liked to have told a younger you? Before you do anything, research the claims of the Catholic Church. All the claims of the church are backed up in the Bible.
What is the best part of being Catholic? Why? The Eucharist is definitely the best part of being Catholic because nowhere else can you truly receive Jesus’ body and blood.
When have you felt the presence of God the most? When my dad passed away and my family pulled together. We felt God’s presence and love during that time.
What was it like after you lost something important to you? After my dad died, it was hard. It still is, but I can see how God strengthens us every day through his words and the sacraments.
What is the most interesting thing that you have learned about people? I’ve learned that God puts different people in our lives at different stages. On our walk back to the church, we met lots of ‘on-fire’ Catholics. Now, I’m meeting people with whom I can share my faith story.
What is the one thing you want someone to know about the Catholic faith? Everything about our faith is real. It’s backed up and true.
What is the one thing you want someone to know about Jesus? Jesus desires a personal relationship with every one of us. It’s up to us to open the door and invite him into our lives.
What has been your biggest joy? Coming back to the Catholic Church has been our biggest joy. Before we left the church, we were Catholic. Now that we’re back, we’re passionately Catholic.
What is the best thing your parents did for you on your faith journey? My parents weren’t especially happy about us leaving the Catholic Church, but they were always supportive of our walk with God whether we were Protestant or Catholic. Also, I’m sure all the rosaries my mom said for us didn’t hurt either.
What question should you ask yourself every day? Am I doing God’s will?
What do you hope God says to you when you reach heaven? I hope that God says, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”
What is it about Jesus that you most want to imitate? I’d really like to be able to imitate his forgiveness.
When have you felt the presence of God the least? In college.
after my abortion, I will never be the same
how Rachel's Vineyard helped me heal
By Nancy Schertzing | Photography by Tom Gennara
 Kristen Goldsmith has lived a hard life in just 21 years. Since attending a Rachel’s Vineyard retreat, she found peace and the strength to share the story of her abortion and its aftermath. She has testified before the Michigan Senate, appeared in Teen People magazine and spoken publicly and privately to encourage women to consider alternatives to abortion when faced with unwanted pregnancies. Kristen generously shares her story with FAITH:
I was a 17-year-old high-school drop-out, living with my boyfriend’s family to escape what I found as a toxic environment at my parent’s home. Drinking about a fifth of vodka and popping Vicodin all day, I didn’t notice that I hadn’t had a period in a couple of months. My boyfriend took me to Planned Parenthood for a pregnancy test.
I had never been as scared as when the nurse came in and told me I was pregnant. I went and got my boyfriend, Kevin*, from the waiting room and brought him in. As soon as I sat on his lap and started crying, he knew. I struggled with the words, but finally got them out, “I’m pregnant.” The very first thing that came out of Kevin’s mouth was that I was having an abortion.
After four days of thinking about being pregnant, I decided that I wanted to keep my baby, but Kevin had different plans for me. He grabbed me by the shoulders and yelled: “You’re having an abortion, Kristen! I refuse to help you in any way and you won’t have anywhere to go, because you’re not living with me! I don’t want a kid!!”
My parents had always told me if I got pregnant they would never speak to me again. So I never thought I could tell my parents about the pregnancy, let alone ask their permission for an abortion. The next day, Kevin took me to an attorney. Less than a week later, I was in front of a judge. He granted me a judicial bypass and Kevin made an appointment for the abortion that Saturday.
To this day, I remember what I was wearing, what the building looked like inside and out, and even how the chairs were set up in the waiting room. After I signed in, I sat in a chair staring at the wall, holding my belly, trying to talk myself into running out of the building ... but that thought was interrupted by the nurse saying she was ready for me.
They did blood work, an ultrasound (which they wouldn’t let me see), and gave me a Valium. Then they had another woman and me go into a room where the “counseling” took place. What a joke! The counseling was just prepping us for the procedure and how to take care of ourselves afterward. They put all of us in a room and one by one called each out to have the procedure done.
I have never felt so much pain in my life, and thought that the noise was almost unbearable. When it was finally over, I went to the recovery room and saw a couple of the girls, who were crying. I told myself to keep my composure. The minute I walked out of the clinic and into Kevin’s car, I fell apart. How could I have just done that!? The only support Kevin gave me was some Vicodin and telling me to sleep. When I woke up, the emotional pain hit me like a semi-truck.
The next couple of years were filled with self-hatred and moving between Kevin’s and my parents’ homes. I sank into depression and began cutting myself and doing more drugs. Eventually, Kevin and I got an apartment and did hard drugs all day long. After a while, he began having affairs – so I left and moved back in with my parents until I could get help and a place of my own.
Through it all, my aunt was there for me. She saw how much I was hurting and nursed me back to emotional health, even letting me move in with her. She is my strong spiritual supporter and the one who found Rachel’s Vineyard for me.
The Rachel’s Vineyard retreat was an extraordinary experience. We really dug deep to get at the hatred and anger. We worked through Scriptures and exercises to come to peace within ourselves. I don’t know how to explain it, but during the second day of the retreat, I really knew for the first time that God had forgiven me for having an abortion. And I understood I needed to forgive myself, too.
Though we’re not together anymore, and he has changed a lot, Kevin came to the closing liturgy of the retreat. He read a poem he had written to our child, and he cried through the whole ceremony.
I know I will never be the same, but by the grace of God, I found healing. Rachel’s Vineyard changed my life! I still do think a part of me died the day I had an abortion, but another part of me was born at Rachel’s Vineyard. I know my child now as Kristopher Daniel, thanks to the retreat. I know he is in Christ’s arms, waiting to meet me; and I have learned how to use this for the good.
Now I want women and men to know there are consequences to having an abortion. When a woman goes into a clinic, they don’t tell her she has a choice of keeping the baby or giving it up for adoption. They don’t tell her there may be long-term emotional consequences.
Obviously, there are a lot of different factors of why I had the abortion. I was scared of being pregnant, afraid I’d be homeless and thought I had no one to turn to. I believed I had no choice and that the abortion would end my problem. But it didn’t.
Still, I believe everything happens for a reason. Every negative thing that has happened in my life has made me a stronger person. I believe the abortion has given me my calling – to help other women. Now I am always looking for opportunities to get my voice out when it comes to abortion.
Today, at 21, I’m clean and sober. I won’t have sex now until I get married. I understand some people may judge me negatively, but I don’t care what they think. I’ve learned that if someone wants to judge me, like the Gospel story of the woman caught in adultery, I know they’ve sinned too. They can’t cast the first stone.
I will keep telling my story. And as long as what I have to say gets through to one person, I will have fulfilled my calling.
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Project Rachel – Healing for those affected by abortion
 Project Rachel is the Catholic Church’s healing ministry to those who’ve been involved in abortion. It operates a network of professional counselors and priests trained to provide counseling to women and men suffering because of an abortion.
In the Diocese of Lansing, Project Rachel also offers a retreat experience called Rachel’s Vineyard. This intensive weekend retreat leads post-abortive women and men through scripturally based exercises that work participants through their shame, anger and grief, to connection with the child they never knew and onto forgiveness, acceptance and peace. Therapy for the soul, Rachel’s Vineyard restores lives and hope in an ecumenical, non-judgmental, supportive environment.
For more information about this powerful retreat experience, go to www.rachelsvineyard.org, or contact Beth Bauer, Rachel’s Vineyard coordinator, at 734.449.8913.
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cathedral cookies for Christmas 
windows of peace
Michelle Sessions DiFranco | Photography by Phillip
Shippert
 I’ll never forget that first day of being away from home when I went to college. I remember fighting back tears when my folks drove off after a day of helping me move into my campus apartment. I tried to shake it off and get excited about the semesters that were ahead at the fine-arts school I had worked so hard to get into, but my heart sank even more when I caught a glimpse of the Detroit “neighborhood” surrounding the campus. I cringed at all the vacant homes with broken windows and trash littering the yards. My parents weren’t even gone five minutes, and I was already homesick.
In the coming days, I started to acclimate to my new surroundings. I met a few classmates and found contentment with class projects and decorating my studio apartment. But what truly brought me a pure and complete sense of peace was something far beyond the distractions of interior decorating, homework and socializing. It was the peace I felt when I went to Mass just a few blocks from campus. There, in the darkest corridors of the inner city, stood a very large, old cathedral that wasn’t in the best shape on the outside. But inside, people who knew, believed and prayed the same parts of the Mass exactly as I knew them surrounded me. And I was listening to the same Gospel and receiving the same Eucharist as my family back home. I truly felt in communion with them.
I once heard the Catholic apologist Pat Madrid say that the way people see the church can be likened to the stained glass windows that adorn the church buildings. From the outside, they appear dark, mysterious and non-vibrant. But inside the church, the windows glow, illuminating everything and depicting messages of hope, love and – for me – peace. On that day, I was so glad to be inside that church. My homesickness was gone.
Do you know of someone who is away at college or even serving our country overseas? Give her a message of hope, love and peace, and something to remind her of home. Send her a dozen or more of these cathedral window cookies. While they are perfect for Christmas, they are also a great reminder that wherever you are in the world, you will always feel at home in the Catholic Church.
- Cathedral Window Cookies
Ingredients:
1 cup sugar
1/4 cup shortening
1/2 cup softened butter
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 eggs
2 ½ cups flour, sifted
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 package of hard candy, finely crushed.
Church cookie cutter (can be purchased online)
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Directions
Cream the sugar, shortening, vanilla and eggs in a large bowl for one minute. Gradually stir in the flour, baking powder and salt. Cover and refrigerate dough for an hour.
Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Cover cookie sheets with aluminum foil or parchment and set aside. Roll dough to 1/8” (thinner than a typical recipe) on a lightly floured and cool surface. Working quickly, so dough doesn’t reach room temperature, cut out as many cookies as possible. With cookie shapes still in position, cut out small circles or rectangles for the “stained glass” in the center of each cookie. Carefully place cookies on aluminum foil-covered (or parchment) cookie sheet. Fill the small circles and/or rectangles with crushed candy until it touches the edges.
Bake for 7-9 minutes, or until edges of cookies are slightly brown and candy is melted. If candy has not spread within the cutout design, immediately spread with a metal knife or spatula. Cool completely on cookie sheet and gently remove with a spatula.
More Ideas:
• Design your own church or cathedral! Easy instructions for making your own cookie cutters can be found online. Using a search engine, type in “making your own cookie cutters.”
• Make them in just minutes using store-bought sugar cookie dough (don’t forget to roll out dough to 1/8”).
Find more tasty recipes and fun crafts at FAITHmag.com
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