January/February
2005
We have a limited number of back issues available in print.
To request back issues, e-mail jjob@dioceseoflansing.org
or call 517-342-2595. You will be charged the regular cover price
of $2.50 per issue.
Get to know
Fr. Joe
By Nancy Schertzing | Photography
by Tom Gennara
You’ve seen his face. It’s in every FAITH
magazine. And you’ve read his answers to a variety of faith-related
questions. Now FAITH turns the tables and asks Fr. Joe to tell us
about himself. Come get into the mind of this charismatic, 34-year-old
chaplain at Lansing Catholic Central High School.
I am a HUGE Lions fan who has only been to two games in my whole
life. Before, it was because I couldn’t afford it,
now it’s because I work on Sunday. I drink obscene amounts
of coffee and Jones [soda] and go for Double Stuff Oreos on a fairly
regular basis. I read at least three books a week, ranging from
brain candy to deep spiritual reading. I love NASCAR, and I think
my mom and dad are the two best people in the world. I would be
lost without them and my brothers and sisters.
If I could sit down with 20-year-old Joe Krupp and talk
with him, I think he would be shocked at how much I love being a
priest. If you had told me before I was ordained that I
would be this happy, I don’t think I would have believed you.
I remember writing ‘April 10, 1980’ under my name in
the Bible at home, and knowing on that day I felt called to be a
priest. [But] as I continued with my life, sometimes I lost my way,
struggling with what all this meant and what to do with it.
When I was in high school a small group of us formed a pep
band and tried to get our mascot changed to Gumby. It didn’t
work. I have worked construction, on farms, mowed lawns and as security
at MIS (Michigan International Speedway) ... Oh, and one night I
posed as a Secret Service agent at a University of Michigan event
for the emissary from Japan. My proudest personal achievement is
my nine years in a traveling evangelization team for Catholic youth.
In 1992, I joined a group of scriptwriters to create a stage
show or pilot. I worked on that for nine months and it
culminated in FOX buying the script. It was a lot of fun and I got
to be an actual scriptwriter for a while. In the end I quit because
the creativity was sacrificed for vulgar humor. I’ve never
been a prude or anything. It was just too much.
About three months after I quit, I ended up entering Sacred
Heart Major Seminary. At the beginning we were told sometimes
God calls a person to enter the seminary but not to be a priest.
Man oh man, would I pray that was the case for me! It’s crazy,
but I thought priesthood would not be a life-giving experience.
I was so focused on what I was giving up, I didn’t ponder
what I was embracing. God forgive my arrogance! But by the end of
the first year, God had my heart. On June 13, 1998, I was ordained
a priest. That was the greatest day of my life.
The first and best thing about being Lansing Catholic Central
High School chaplain is I have fewer meetings than a parish priest!
Also, the 530 people I minister with are within walking distance
from 7:00 in the morning until 4:00 in the afternoon. At my parish
assignments there were thousands of families, but I only saw them
when they came in to see me, or at different functions. My evening
obligations were generally meetings. At the school, I go to the
students’ games, pray with them beforehand and root for them
during.
I think the most difficult difference is I [sometimes] do
things I have little or no experience with. I am just as
likely to handle a child questioning his or her faith as I am to
work with a child who has serious psychological problems. In both
cases, I am expected to be an expert who can help. I don’t
have an older priest to guide me through. In the end, that may be
the biggest difference of all, and the most challenging.
I just love the students; they are exceptionally easy to
love. They have opened their world to me and allow me to
bring Jesus into their lives and experiences. I love how high school
students have a strong sense of indebtedness. If an experience of
faith transformed their lives, they feel a debt to share it with
others. You can almost taste their hunger to give!
It’s hard to explain this life to anyone who isn’t
in it, but this is a good life. I make a decision each
day to say ‘yes’ to the priesthood. In my mind it all
flows from being able to hold Jesus in our hands and give him to
the world in the Mass. As we do that, we grow in our ability to
hold Jesus in our hands and give him to the world outside of Mass.
And there is nothing greater than that!”
ministry focus: Fr. Joe’s vocation story is one of
a series of priest stories that will be published by the Diocese
of Lansing Seminarian Office. To order your copy of the booklet
and to find out more about becoming a priest in the Diocese of Lansing,
contact Fr. Jerry Vincke, Director of Seminarians: (517) 342-2507
www.lansingpriesthood.org.
from friendship to marriage
By Nancy Schertzing | Photography by James Luning
 Fresh
out of college and ready to begin her adult life, Mary Schliska
attended a To Encounter Christ (TEC) retreat at her mother’s
urging – “You never know what God has planned,”
she said. Mother knows best – at the retreat, Mary met Felipe
Villarreal and immediately thought he’d make a good husband.
Felipe remembers instantly liking Mary. There was only one problem
– Felipe was dating someone else, and was at the retreat with
her. So instead of romance, Mary and Felipe fell into an easy friendship
that would span the next six years.
During those years, Mary embarked on a career teaching math and
Spanish at Howell High School. Felipe pursued automotive electronics
– most recently building police vehicles at Cruisers in Brighton.
She lived in her hometown of Morrice. He lived 45 minutes away in
Lansing. She and her roommate socialized together. He went through
a series of romantic relationships that left him hurting and insecure
about love. They met once a year at retreats, serving as facilitators
and volunteer staff, always picking up their friendship where they
had left it the previous year.
Eventually, Mary and her roommate decided to drive into
Lansing on Sundays to attend Mass at Cristo Rey. Since
she knew it was Felipe’s parish, Mary thought she would feel
welcome. She was right. This dynamic, Spanish-speaking parish embraced
the young women, and Mary and her roommate quickly became active
in the youth program. Felipe helped with the youth program when
something needed building or fixing, but stayed behind the scenes
as much as possible. Still, they had more opportunities to see each
other, and their friendship deepened.
Cristo Rey became vitally important in the lives of Felipe
and Mary. “I’ve always gotten a spiritual high
from the music at noon Mass,” Mary says. “I play it
over and over again in my head.” Felipe agrees, “It’s
like being renewed or recharged from everyday life. Lots of people
moan and groan they have to give up an hour to go to Mass,”
he laughs. “If we didn’t have at least that hour, our
whole week would be shot!”
As her attachment to Cristo Rey evolved, Mary, who always sat in
the back of church, began trying seats closer to the front. Week
by week she moved up until she settled in the second row –
just behind Felipe. One day Felipe’s aunt told his mother
she knew just the girl for her son. It was the nice young woman
who sat behind him during noon Mass. Felipe’s mother, who
had been praying to the Virgin of Guadalupe that her son might find
a good wife, smiled broadly. She continued her prayers.
At St. Mary Parish in Morrice, Mary’s mother was offering
her familiar prayer to the Virgin Mother as well. “Please,
Blessed Mother, help Mary find a good husband.”
In 2003, Mary and Felipe took the unusual step of volunteering
for two separate retreats back-to-back. At the second retreat,
after finishing their work in the kitchen and spending an evening
dancing, Mary felt compelled to speak up. In a bold move, she told
Felipe she would like to “be more than friends.” He
smiled quietly and responded simply, “We’ll see.”
Mary was shaken.
He, who had been deeply wounded in love relationships, was afraid
to take another chance. She, who had known from their first meeting
that he would be a great husband, hoped to try again.
During the retreats they went sledding and had a wonderful
time. Mary mentioned she’d like to get together again
outside of a retreat experience. Felipe casually told her maybe
they could go sledding again if she had a day off. The next week
a major snowstorm blanketed the area, causing snow days for all
area schools. Mary called Felipe, and they met at the sledding hill.
By the end of that sledding date, they shared their first kiss and
the knowledge they would spend the rest of their lives together.
 One
month later, they were looking for wedding rings. At a
jewelry store, Mary spotted the ring she wanted. The chatty sales
clerk told them she had almost sold the ring to the couple who had
just left, but it was one piece and the bride-to-be had wanted a
two-ring set. Disappointed to find it was one piece, Mary asked
if she could see the ring anyway. The clerk handed it to her, and
as Mary held it in her hand, the pieces fell apart to reveal the
two-ring engagement set she had always wanted. The clerk watched,
speechless, as Felipe and Mary later walked out of the store with
their wedding set.
They waited five months until Father’s Day, however, to make
it official. After dinner with their parents at their favorite Mexican
restaurant, Mary’s father asked Felipe if he had something
he wanted to say. Felipe responded that he would like to ask Mr.
Schliska for his daughter’s hand in marriage. “Felipe,”
Mr. Schliska responded, “I love you like a son. But I’m
not the person you need to ask.” Getting down on one knee,
Felipe turned to Mary and through tears he said, ”Mary, I’ve
never had anyone like you in my life. I love you with all my heart,
and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry
me?” Her resounding “yes!” was nearly drowned
out by the cheers and clapping of the people in the restaurant.
The following May, Felipe and Mary experienced that same joyful
support when they exchanged vows at Cristo Rey. Packing
the church for their wedding ceremony, the Cristo Rey community,
friends and family exuberantly celebrated the love Felipe and Mary
share. And, as with their engagement, the Villarreal and Schliska
families shared fully in the festivities. For months they made tamales
and gloumkies, beans and rice, meatballs and chicken – filling
four freezers so they could host the 300 guests Felipe and Mary
had invited. Though at times they feared the fire marshal might
have to shut down their wedding reception due to overcrowding, Felipe
and Mary celebrated their big day from beginning to end.
Of their many wonderful memories from that day, Mary and
Felipe agree one of their sweetest was laying roses before the portrait
of the Virgin of Guadalupe. For years, Mrs. Schliska and
Mrs. Villarreal had each prayed to the Virgin Mary, seeking a good
spouse for her child. Now as each watched her child lay roses before
the statue of the Blessed Mother, these earthly mothers knew their
prayers had been answered in full.
If Mary has found a flaw in her new husband, it would be that he
never worries about anything. “His faith is so strong,”
she marvels with a hint of exasperation, “he just doesn’t
get upset about anything!” Felipe smiles a gentle smile of
confirmation. “I worry about you,” he protests mildly.
But for those whose lives have been touched by the divine, worry
plays a minor role.
As they look ahead to married life together, Mary and Felipe Villarreal
know God’s hand will continue to move in their life through
their love for each other. They hope to have children one
day – either their own, or foster children as Mary’s
parents did. They might do missionary work in South America or simply
travel the world for fun. The only thing they know for sure is that
faith and love and a touch of the divine will be as central to their
married life as it was before that first retreat To Encounter Christ.
---
How do I know it’s time
to get married?
 You’ve
been dating for a while and it feels like true love. You can’t
think of anyone but him; you call her all the time. And now you’re
thinking of getting married. Before you decide that it’s the
right time, consider the following:
• Is your prospective partner your best friend?
When the romance is at an ebb, your friendship will be what sees
you through.
• Have you talked about how you spend or save money?
This is a major argument point for married couples.
• Do you agree on child-rearing ideals? Have
you discussed how you were raised, and if that’s the model
you want for your new family?
• Do you have a shared vision of what marriage means?
Have you talked about what being someone’s life partner is
like?
• Can you imagine spending every day of your life
waking up next to this person, listening to his problems,
being patient with her mood swings?
• Most importantly, is God in your relationship?
How important is your faith? Your partner’s? More than anything
else, this will strengthen the bond of love you now feel for each
other.
---
For more information about marriage in the Catholic Church
and specific requirements for a Catholic wedding, contact
your local parish at least nine months before your wedding date.
To learn more about the process of marriage preparation, contact
the Office of Family Ministry, (517)342-2471.
empty nest full lives
find out about the Gallaghers’
next step
By Marybeth Hicks | Photography by Tom Gennara
 One
of the first things Mary Jo Gallagher did when her last child left
for college was take the parental controls off her television.
“It just feels good to know we can watch whatever we want,”
she says with a sly smile. It’s a symbolic gesture, a minor
rite of passage for a couple that hasn’t lived alone since
1983.
Sitting at their expansive kitchen table, Mary Jo and Tom Gallagher
contemplate the new freedom they’ll enjoy as “empty
nesters.” Quiet meals together. Early Mass on Sundays. Gardening,
traveling, renovating their kitchen. Mary Jo’s master’s
degree. Simple pleasures and big projects, all made possible by
the passing of time.
Twenty-one years of parenting have been filled with the usual mayhem.
School, homework, sports, Boy Scouts. “We weren’t the
‘Kool-Aid’ house, but we were completely immersed in
our kids. Their schedules dominated our life,” Mary Jo admits.
“You have mixed feelings when the kids leave home,”
Mary Jo says. “But mostly, it’s clear they have to take
the next step.” As a mother, Mary Jo learned her
young-adult children wanted less direction and more space to make
their own decisions. “You realize you have to phrase things
more like suggestions, not commands. This was especially true with
our daughter,” she recalls. “That last year at home
helps you make the transition because when they become more independent,
things can get tense.”
Mary Jo and Tom do miss the regular interaction with couples who
shared their parenting journey. “It surprised us that we were
sad not to have activities that kept us in contact with our friends,
but we realized we can now get together just for the heck of it,
and not to sit in the bleachers watching a sporting event,”
Tom says.
Mary Jo and Tom are excited to redirect their focus to one another.
“I’m really looking forward to just spending time together,
going out to eat, setting our own schedules, traveling,” Tom
says. “Even if our travels do take us to visit our kids.”
---
5 tips for parents
when your adult
children move home
 After
dealing with the bittersweet experience of your last child leaving
the nest, and having planned what you’ll do with that extra
bedroom, you may not jump for joy if one of your children shows
up on the front porch, suitcase in hand, needing a place to live
for a while. But statistically, about 40% of adult children do move
back home for a while – due to economic necessity, divorce,
a temporary transition, or just needing a safety net for a time.
With a few ground rules established, having your adult “boomerang”
child in the house for a while can be a blessing. Parents can enjoy
the company of these other adults in the house, and appreciate some
of the help their children can provide. Research has shown that
refilled nests work best when the returning child has a good relationship
with the mother.
In order to have a successful return, consider these tips:
Set a time limit. Agree in advance how long your child
will be staying – at least approximately.
Charge rent. It can be a nominal amount, and you may choose
to give it to your child when he or she moves out, but paying rent
gives your child a sense of responsibility and eliminates the “free
ride.” Adult children in the home should also pay a share
of utilities, food and their own telephone charges. They should
be responsible for their own transportation and insurance expenses.
If the child is unemployed or otherwise financially strapped, negotiate
performance of household chores that are “extras,” such
as painting the house, cleaning the gutters, etc.
Establish
the house rules. Your adult child would expect to follow
house rules as a guest in someone’s home. It should be the
same in yours – agree in advance how you’ll handle noise
levels, smoking, visitors and late nights out on the town.
Define household roles. An adult child at home should expect
to do a share of cooking, laundry and cleaning. If you’re
going to be providing care for grandchildren, establish clear expectations
from the beginning, such as time limits.
Maintain
separate accounts. Your “boomerang” child is
an adult, and should have his or her own bank and charge accounts,
and no access to yours.
– Elizabeth Solsburg
---
5 tips for mom and dad
as they send their student off to campus:
Parents never retire, even when their children have left the nest.
In fact, according to Fr. Mark Inglot, pastor of St. John’s
Student Parish in East Lansing, some of the most important parenting
occurs when children reach young adulthood and choices have more
meaning and consequences.
Here are Fr. Mark’s “top five tips” to mom and
dad as they send their student off to campus:
Let your student know that it’s important to you that
he or she attends Mass. “Don’t phrase this
as a command,” Fr. Mark says, “make it an invitation.
But a strong one!” He reminds parents their jobs don’t
ever end, and simply telling your children how much it means to
you that they practice their faith will make an important impression.
Tell your student to choose his or her friends wisely.
“In college there is a wide diversity of choices when it comes
to building new friendships,” Fr. Mark says. “This is
wonderful, but it also calls our students to use discernment so
that their friends support moral behavior.” This is lifelong
advice Fr. Mark says parents should reiterate often.
Urge your student to be a non-judgmental, critical thinker.
“This is really not an oxymoron,” Fr. Mark says. “I
remind students all the time that if you don’t stand for something,
you’ll fall for anything.” College students are exposed
to a host of new ideas, many of which will challenge the foundations
of their faith. He urges them to use the philosophies of their youth
as a reference point in creating their own philosophy – and
this means building on the foundations their parents gave them.
“I tell students, ‘Your parents gave you your foundation.
Are you going to live in the basement or build on house on it?’”
Encourage your student to find friends with whom to practice his
or her faith. “The students who really get into coming
to St. John’s are the ones who come with a group of friends,
at least at first,” says Fr. Mark. These are often the friends
with whom your student will build a lifelong relationship because
it has faith at its roots.
Tell your son or daughter that registering at a student
parish is the adult thing to do. “College students
are used to being registered as members of their parents’
families,” says Fr. Mark. “Coming to a student parish
and filling out a registration card is the first act of an adult
believer.” Students who are connected to the parish through
registration are more likely to participate in church-sponsored
programs such as Christian service and retreat weekends.
– Marybeth Hicks
who, me? retire?
find out why Dave is busier than ever
By Marybeth Hicks | Photography by Tom Gennara
 Deacon
Dave Scharf retired in December 1994, after 39 years with Chrysler
Corporation. He was the system manager for the Import Support
Group. In August of the following year, he was ordained a permanent
deacon at St. Mary Magdalen Church in Brighton. He talks here about
the transition to an active retired life.
I began thinking seriously about retirement five or six years before
I actually retired. I planned to work until I was 60 or ordained
a deacon, whichever came first. Turns out I left Chrysler at age
57.
My job at Chrysler was challenging – I was
a go-between, relaying information between people who were ignorant
of computers and those who were masters at them. I also had a chance
to travel, enough to make it interesting and help me grow as a person,
but not so much that it was a drag on my family.
After undergoing heart bypass surgery in 1984, I came out
of the hospital searching. I’d had an “experience”
(I won’t call it a near death experience, but it was similar
to those you read about) that caused me to seek out what God had
in mind for me. I began asking God what he wanted me to do. It made
me sit down and evaluate life. I knew by that time I wasn’t
going to be president of Chrysler. My wife, Judy, who knows I am
a stubborn German, says I was put in a position where I was forced
to listen.
The hardest part in considering retiring was the fear of
the unknown. I grew up in a world of computers and was
familiar with that field. I would be leaving that behind. What would
I do? I was used to working 55 hours a week and dealing with people
all the time. I had 12 people working for me.
Around 1990, someone said to me, “Dave, you would make a good
deacon. Have you ever thought about it?” A short time later,
someone else said the same thing. I realized that I better think
about it seriously. Then, a friend going through the diaconate program
invited me to go with him to the canon law class. That made three
times in three months that the diaconate came up. I felt this was
God speaking to me.
I definitely think God led me into the diaconate.
Not by some direct word during prayer, but by actions. I think I’m
not consistent in my prayer life, though I pray daily. I like to
think that in my prayer life, I am a “contemplative in action.”
But God is involved in every part of our lives. He works through
circumstances and the people he sends us. I look back and see that
my life could have been completely different if such-and-such hadn’t
happened. If my dad hadn’t died when I was 13, I probably
would have become a pediatrician as we had planned. I wouldn’t
have joined the Air Force. If I hadn’t clashed with the Air
Force recruiter, I probably wouldn’t have joined the Navy.
If I hadn’t joined the Navy, I wouldn’t have met my
wife out in Washington state.
Both Judy and I had been involved in church ministry for many years,
and that helped influence my decision to do full-time work as a
deacon. We started out teaching catechism to eighth graders. Then
we became leaders of the youth group, extraordinary ministers of
communion, certified catechists. My wife still does RCIA, marriage
preparation, Befrienders, religious education and other services.
 Once
you retire, you can only go golfing so much, you can only
help your wife around the house for so long. When I became a deacon,
Fr. Dave Howell told me that I could do whatever I wanted at Mary
Magdalen as long as I was qualified for it. It ended up, as my family
jokingly says, that I traded a high-paying 55-hour-per-week job
for a 65-hour-per-week job that pays nothing.
A year after leaving Chrysler, I had a little test to see if I had
made the right decision. A headhunter from Chrysler called and asked
if I wanted to return. I agreed to meet with him and talk. I told
him that since I would be doing essentially the same job if I returned,
I would expect the same pay. As we discussed it, thoughts kept popping
into my head about the people I was serving now. I think they were
what caused me to say that I would expect a benefit package to be
included in my salary. At that point, he basically wrapped up the
interview and said, “Mr. Scharf, we will call you if we can
work it out.” Of course, he never did. I know God was putting
the thoughts in my mind so that I would end up pricing myself out
of the market. I really didn’t want to give up my people.
I loved what I was doing at Mary Magdalen. I had made the right
decision.
Looking back, the only thing I would have done differently
in my career is not wait so long to become a deacon. It
is so rewarding that I don’t even consider it work. If what
you are doing isn’t rewarding, you have chosen the wrong occupation.
Every night, every deacon should get down and kiss the feet
of his wife for what she puts up with. A wife needs to
be understanding to allow her husband to do this ministry. I couldn’t
do anything without my wife. She went through the deacon classes
with me. She would tell me, “Listen to your own heart and
do what God tells you. I am with you in your decision.” I
call my wife “St. Judy” to be able to be married to
me.
---
5 questions to ask yourself before
you retire:
You’ve thought about retirement – sort of. You’ve
done the financial planning, set up 401(k)s. But there’s more
to retirement than money. Suddenly, it’s your last day of
work and you’re not quite sure what you’re going to
do tomorrow. Here are five questions to ask yourself before you
retire:
1 What am I going to do without my co-workers?
You’ve seen these people on a daily basis for years. They
provide adult conversation during your days. Do you have a social
network to take their place?
2 What am I going to do after the first days of freedom?
This is it! You can sleep in, catch up on that reading
you’ve always meant to do, go fishing. It’s like being
on vacation. But eventually, the novelty wears off and depression
can set in. Have you thought about how you’re going to fill
your days? Do you have a hobby? A second career?
3 What am I going to do to enrich my spiritual life? This
can be a time of deepening spirituality and enriched prayer. Have
you thought about what you’d like to do to improve your relationship
with God?
4 What can I give back to my church and community? There
are myriad ways you can make the world a better place by volunteering
the time you now have available. Religious education, foster-grandparent
programs, St. Vincent de Paul; the list is practically endless.
Think about what you can do to contribute.
5 How am I going to stay busy and keep my mind active?
Studies show that physical exercise is important as we age. If you’ve
always put off exercising because you had “no time,”
that excuse is gone! Retirement is also a great time to take a class
in a subject you’ve always found interesting. Continuing to
learn keeps the mind sharp.
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