Cover Story Four years ago, FAITH featured Virginia and Nick. Since then we heard from readers who were inspired to follow in their footsteps and fight for their marriage. Now, we check back with them to learn more about their story and how they feel about helping so many. How a bad marriage can become good By Nancy Schertzing
	Feature Jane and Scott fell into a rut with evening routines, homework with the kids and all of their activities. They stopped really communicating. Find out how Marriage Encounter helped them put their marriage first A mundane marriage makeover By Marybeth Hicks
	Feature FAITH interviews Eileen Jaramillo. What is the difference between an annulment and divorce? What is the process? Plus: meet the people who work in the diocese's tribunal Common questions about annulments
	Profile Meet 3 new priests of the Diocese of Lansing might need Ordination 2004 Interviews by Bob Horning
	Exclusive Nicholas Sparks, 38, has authored several best-selling novels, holds a track record at the University of Notre Dame and is a black-belt in Tae Kwon Do. From his North Carolina home, he recently spoke with FAITH's Alton Pelowski about marriage, writing and faith. Nicholas Sparks By Alton Pelowski
	Web Exclusive Although I am no way an expert on this topic, I have studied it quite extensively for the past 25 years ... "The talk": Successful ways to talk to your kids about sex By Mary Jo Thayer
	Web Exclusive Reflections on the Luminous Mysteries, inspired by Pope John Paul II's Theology of the Body. A rosary for marriages By Nancy Hilker

FAITH follow-up
how a marriage can be good
even after an affair
By Nancy Schertzing | Photography by James Luning

FAITH Magazine published Virginia and Nick’s story four years ago. Readers told us how this story inspired them to save their marriage through the Retrouvaille program. FAITH went back to Virginia and Nick to go into more detail with their story and share how it feels to help others.

True story: Nick O’Shea’s aunt had been married 56 years when Northern Ireland’s government proposed legalizing divorce. In the course of a newspaper interview on the legislation, a reporter asked Mrs. O’Shea if she had ever considered divorcing her husband. “Divorce?!” she asked, with a look of horror on her face, “Never!” Then, her face softening slightly, she leaned toward the young reporter and continued in a conspiratorial tone, “But, murder? Many times.”

As she hears her husband tell that story for the thousandth time, Virginia O’Shea can only laugh. There was a time when she identified with her husband’s aunt. There was a time when she actually had filed for divorce. Looking back on 47 years of marriage, she could see that six children, two jobs, separate interests and different agendas all posed typical challenges to their relationship. Yet, beyond these stressors, deeper challenges had eaten away at their marriage’s foundation – the cancer death of their youngest child, withered marital communication, isolation from one another, years spent married solely for the sake of their children and Nick’s two affairs.

Nick’s responsible young bride had become a devoted mother, which left her with no time for fun, no time for him. When their 4-year-old daughter, Eileen, developed leukemia, the doctors said she had a 50/50 chance of survival. Virginia threw herself into saving their desperately sick child, fighting against the negative 50 percent chance. Nick, unable to face the thought of losing his baby girl, focused on the positive 50 percent. Virginia’s life became a constant struggle for Eileen’s survival – taking her for doctor’s visits, holding her down for tests, agonizing over the results, wiping away tears. Nick devoted his life to keeping spirits high at home, participating with the older children in Irish Folk Dance competitions, never missing a chance to have fun with Eileen. He began having an affair with a fellow Irish Dancer. Virginia filed for divorce.

By the time the battle against Eileen’s leukemia ended with her death at age six, Nick and Virginia were completely isolated from each other. Though Nick had ended his affair and Virginia rescinded the divorce papers, she didn’t trust him and would not forgive him – despite claiming and believing she had. Though Nick wanted to make their marriage better and heal the deep wounds, he couldn’t communicate his needs and feelings to Virginia without becoming defensive or angry. They worked with a marriage counselor for six months before the counselor threw up his hands and referred them to a colleague who specialized in helping Roman Catholic couples work through divorce. After seeing this counselor for a few months, Nick and Virginia decided they would stay in their marriage until their remaining children were grown.

For the sake of the children, they spent the next 14 years “in a sham marriage,” as they like to say. Eating together, sleeping together, parenting together, Nick and Virginia O’Shea raised their children and performed all the outward rituals of a happy couple. Inwardly, however, they remained desperately alone.

“There was no comfort. No communication. No meeting of the minds,” Nick explains about those years. “We both had our own agendas, and when we started to talk about needs, we backed off as soon as we encountered any resistance. I’d want one thing and Virginia would want another, so I’d back away from it without ever talking it through.” Virginia agrees, “The only time feelings came out were in anger or defense.

“And I spent a lot of time figuring out how I could get him to come around to my way of thinking, without making him too angry,” Virginia adds. “God knows, I wore a path to the church, crying and asking ‘When are you going to straighten him out, Lord?!’ There was so much manipulation, and I never recognized it.”

As their youngest surviving child’s high school graduation approached, Nick reached out to a female co-worker who offered him much of what was missing at home. They began a friendship, which deepened and became an affair. Nick expected Virginia to file for divorce again now that the children were independent. While he was away on one of his many trips to Ireland, Virginia discovered this second affair. She knew it was the last straw. However, though she clearly had grounds to divorce Nick, she didn’t automatically file. Instead, she followed the familiar path to their church, and asked the diocese for help. The person who answered her call recommended Retrouvaille – pronounced “retro-vye” – a faith-based program for couples struggling with troubled marriages. The program gets its name from the French word meaning “to rediscover” or “to find again.” True to its name, the program has helped thousands of struggling couples rediscover the reason they married in the first place. Beyond rediscovery, Retrouvaille gives them tools to reconnect with each other and strengthen their marriages. The program is based on three core beliefs: marriages deserve an opportunity to succeed, God’s presence can make a difference and reconciled marriage is preferable to divorce.

Couples of all beliefs and stages of marriage are welcome to participate in Retrouvaille. Follow-up surveys from various programs throughout the country show that about 80 percent of Retrouvaille couples are still married two years after completing the program. These include couples of all faiths, many already separated or even divorced before entering the program.

In November 1989, Nick and Virginia O’Shea attended a Retrouvaille weekend retreat. To their surprise, they spent the next two days working to try to save their marriage. Listening to facilitating couples who had struggled through unhappy marriages enabled them to feel less alone. Gaining insights into their own behaviors and what prompted them gave them something to think about. Learning powerful new techniques for communicating their feelings without judgment or fear gave them hope. Opening themselves up to the presence of God as the binding element of their marriage gave them faith. They emerged from the weekend with a sense that they could work to save their marriage, and that it was worth the effort.

Over the course of 12 follow-up sessions prescribed by the Retrouvaille program, Nick and Virginia began utilizing new tools to work on their marriage. They talked to one another honestly about their needs and feelings. They listened openly without judging, rejecting or bringing up past hurts as they had so often in the course of their marriage. Those early sessions helped Nick and Virginia establish a new pattern of communication in which they can talk openly with each other about any situation, stating what each needs without fear or defensiveness. While they once backed off from an issue if they encountered any resistance, now both Nick and Virginia express their needs and thoughts, knowing that their spouse wants to understand and honor that need or idea, because it is essential to their partnership.

The O’Sheas came to realize they each needed to grow in self-knowledge before focusing on correcting their partner. “When you’re in pain,” Virginia explains, “you can’t see anything besides your own pain. I was incapable of seeing how deeply Nick was hurting.” She laughs when she thinks back to all her tears in church beseeching God to “straighten out” her husband. Now both she and Nick recognize, and often repeat, “The only person you can change is yourself.”

Now, 15 years after entering the Retrouvaille program, Nick and Virginia O’Shea have logged 12 years as Retrouvaille facilitators. They share their stories with couples in troubled marriages and tell of their own experience. For example, they say it was a mistake to just stay together for the sake of the children. They recommend couples dig deeper and find additional reasons. In keeping with the Retrouvaille program, Nick and Virginia say divorce is rarely the best choice for couples struggling in marriage. “Nine times out of ten,” Nick explains, “you’re going to go out and look for another person with the same traits that attracted you to your spouse in the first place. It’s not going to work because you’re still the same person, and you never get away from yourself. That’s the one person you can change!”

When asked how many marriages they think they’ve saved through Retrouvaille, Virginia snorts. “Oh, I have no idea. We don’t think we’ve helped them. We believe the Holy Spirit has helped them and that the couples have done the work with God. Our prayer every weekend is ‘Dear Lord, let us stay out of your way,’ and we do what we can.”

Whether they stay out of the way or manifest God’s presence, the O’Sheas have changed countless lives through the Retrouvaille ministry. In their years as facilitators, Nick and Virginia have told their story hundreds of times throughout the world. They have established Retrouvaille chapters across the U.S., Ireland, South Africa and, most recently, in American Samoa. They help spread the message of Retrouvaille to anyone whose marriage needs healing. An avid cyclist, Nick has even done several long distance rides – up to 1,400 miles – to publicize the program.

Virginia laughs, “We joke and say Nick would never cycle on the road when I was driving up in the van. I might have run him over! But not now.” Now, when they’re not working in Retrouvaille, they often cycle together, meet for picnic lunches, and rest under shade trees reading, watching wildlife or just talking. “There was a time we never thought we’d be in one another’s company – let alone enjoy it,” Virginia continues. “God and time have been good to us, but then we worked at our relationship to get here. And it’s worth it! We thank God daily for Retrouvaille and one another.”

For information on Retrouvaille, a program for troubled marriages, log onto www.retrouvaille.org or call the Michigan Coordinators in Lansing (517) 669 6631, Detroit (313) 237-6052 or Grand Rapids (616) 752-7004

a mundane marriage makeover
Jane and Scott revived their relationship
through Marriage Encounter
By Marybeth Hicks | Photography by Christine Jones

“I felt alienated, distant and misunderstood,” Jane says. Scott nods as she describes a tough stretch in their 18-year marriage. “It was a lot like being roommates, not like a marriage,” he says.

Jane and Scott Cunningham recall a time when they operated separately, when a vicious, mundane cycle robbed their marriage of fun, intimacy and passion. As a stay-at-home mother, Jane felt isolated. And when Scott was home, they simply conducted the evening routine without connecting with one another.

Confiding her dissatisfaction to a friend, Jane learned about Marriage Encounter, a worldwide movement of the Catholic Church to support sacramental marriage. “I had heard about it before in church, when those lovey-dovey couples would get up and talk about how great it was,” Jane says. “It didn’t seem like that was us.” But Jane’s friend encouraged the Cunninghams to consider it. “She suggested we deserved to go,” Jane says.

The result? Jane and Scott are now that “lovey-dovey” couple, assuming the role of “executive couple” for the Lansing area’s Worldwide Marriage Encounter organization.

The Cunninghams’ journey began in sixth grade homeroom in Marshall, Mich. It was there that Jane and Scott first met, but their paths would cross several times more before their romance unfolded. “We met again at Kellogg Community College,” Jane explains. “But it wasn’t until we met yet again at Western Michigan University in 1983 that we got together.” Jane had gone to the school’s “drops and adds” session to change classes. Scott, not having much else to do, accompanied his roommate to the same session.

This was a pivotal encounter in their relationship. “I ‘added’ Jane,” Scott grins. Scott followed that meeting with attempts to reach Jane at her dorm, but her roommates didn’t pass along his messages. On a later chance meeting, Jane asked Scott for a ride home to Marshall, and at last, the young couple began to date. “He used to send me lots of cards,” Jane says. Since they were college students on a budget, their dates consisted of pizzas and discount movies.

After Scott graduated from WMU and secured a job in Lansing, the couple married in August 1986. Jane continued to work on her degree and actually lived in Kalamazoo for much of their first year of marriage, commuting back to Lansing on weekends. Later, Jane was able to complete her course work at Michigan State, and the couple settled into their life together in Lansing.

Jane and Scott had their first child, Nathan, in 1991. Jane stayed home to care for their son, and they welcomed their daughter, Jennifer, three years later. By this time, the pattern of their relationship began to change. “I was home all day with little kids,” Jane recalls. “Scott would come home at the end of the day and we would just handle the kids until we fell exhausted into bed at night.”

Marriage Encounter experts call this phase of marriage “disillusionment.” Scott explains, “You start out focused on each other, spending time together thinking and talking about your marriage. Before long, you don’t put that relationship in its proper priority because so many other things start to come first. After a while, the marriage suffers.

“We all get into a rut with evening routines, homework with the kids and all our activities. We don’t take the time to really communicate,” Scott says. Marriage Encounter weekends are designed to eliminate the distractions that couples face from day to day and help them put their marriage at the top of their list of priorities. In this atmosphere, free from work and family responsibilities, couples learn to communicate more positively. According to Jane and Scott, this training in communication is the foundation for a way of life that can change marriages for the better.

One technique that Marriage Encounter uses to promote communication is taking time to write reflections on the topics that presenting couples discuss. Couples write their individual responses to the material, and then share their reflections privately with one another. “Throughout the weekend, couples are working toward writing a love letter to one another,” says Jane. “It’s a process of re-evaluating what they will need to change to make their marriage richer and more rewarding.”

The couples focus on all aspects of their relationship, from physical intimacy to prayer and forgiveness. “We’re all making choices and decisions that affect our marriages,” Jane says. “The goal is to help couples make choices that put the marriage first.”

One way Jane and Scott have changed their relationship since their first Marriage Encounter weekend is to remember that their marriage is a sacrament – a sign of Christ’s love for the Church and a source of grace. “We are a little Church,” Scott explains. “Because our marriage is a sacrament, God is with us whenever we are together.” Jane and Scott believe that remembering this helps them treat one another with greater love and respect, and they spend time each weekend talking about their marriage. The changes in their marriage also foster stronger relationships with Nathan, 12, and Jennifer, 9, because their closeness extends to their children.

The Cunninghams have spent six weekends as a presenting couple on Marriage Encounter retreats since their first experience in 1999. But they don’t believe their marriage is “up on a pedestal.” Jane declares, “We have the same struggles as everyone else. We don’t have a perfect marriage – no one does.” Yet, by learning how to engage in constructive dialogue, the Cunninghams handle things differently than they did before. They believe this is the key to their greater satisfaction in marriage. “There are still times when we go through disillusionment, and forgiveness is hard,” says Jane. “But once we get through it, we can move on and grow from it.”

As executive couple for the Lansing area, Jane and Scott took on a two-year responsibility to organize Marriage Encounter weekends. “Marriage Encounter weekends are completely structured and operate on a well-developed outline,” Scott explains. “That means that whether you attend a Marriage Encounter weekend in Lansing or San Francisco, you will hear material that follows the same outline.”

Part of Scott’s presentation at Marriage Encounter retreats is a discussion of the effects of the culture on marriage. He believes frivolous game shows, brief celebrity marriages and the social agenda to promote homosexual unions erode the sacrament and diminish the awareness that marriage is a lifelong commitment between one man and one woman. “Marriage is taking a pounding,” Scott says. “The culture is hurting the institution of marriage. This is why 50 percent of marriages end in divorce.”

For Jane and Scott, that commitment is a decision they make, not just each day, but several times each day. Jane says, “This is a radical lifestyle – to focus on each other and to make decisions every day that reflect our commitment to our marriage. It’s not always easy, but it’s very fulfilling.”

An encounter that could change your life

Lansing’s Worldwide Marriage Encounter organization offers two encounter weekends in 2004: July 23-25 at Bethany House Retreat Center, DeWitt, and Oct. 15-17 at the St. Joseph Retreat Center, Jackson. There is a nonrefundable registration fee of $30. The actual cost of the weekend varies, but no couple will be turned away for financial reasons. For information, call toll free at (877) 743-3615 or e-mail marriageencountr (at) aol.com. You can also register online at wwme.org.

common questions answered
about marriage annulments
FAITH interviews the tribunal’s Eileen Jaramillo
Photography by Tom Gennara

FAITH talks to Eileen Jaramillo, JCL, Tribunal Judge and Canonical Consultant for the Diocese of Lansing, about the institution of marriage and the work of the tribunal in the Catholic Church.

FAITH: What are the distinctions and similarities between a civil marriage and the Catholic Church’s understanding of marriage?
Jaramillo: Like the State, the Catholic Church believes that marriage is a public act. Various ramifications exist for the community, the man and woman who marry and any children born. Unlike the State, however, the Church also believes that marriage is a covenant. This grounding comes from sacred Scripture and theology. Using both as its foundation, canon law then governs the various aspects of marriage. This is beautifully stated in canons 1055 and 1056. They describe marriage as a covenant which involves the spiritual, emotional and physical joining of the spouses. Aided by grace, it is aimed toward the mutual gift of self, rather than self-fulfillment. It brings about the procreation and the formation of any children born. For such existence and growth, it must be based on, and needs, total human fidelity. There is more to this concept than simply the absence of extramarital sexual involvement. Finally, by its very nature, this bond is a permanent commitment which both individuals must see as lasting a lifetime. The Church believes that this covenant begins on the wedding day when the couple exchanges consent.

FAITH: The tribunal decides whether to grant an annulment. What exactly is an annulment, and why isn’t it simply the Catholic version of divorce, as many claim?
Jaramillo: The word annulment is not a canonical term, because it implies that someone is taking something and wiping it away. Therefore, a more appropriate phrase is declaration of invalidity. If it is granted, it is saying, in hindsight, that on the day of the wedding specific factors were missing. These missing factors are considered to be essential by the Catholic Church for establishing a covenant. The type of case which is submitted to the tribunal indicates what factors may have been missing at the moment of consent. If a declaration of invalidity is granted, it does not mean that the relationship between the husband and wife did not exist. Furthermore, it does not mean that any children born are considered illegitimate. It is not the Catholic version of a divorce, because its main purpose, unlike the State, is determining whether a covenant was entered into at the time of the wedding.

FAITH: You mentioned different types of cases. What are they?
Jaramillo: The most common type of case is the Formal case. It determines whether a marriage is invalid based on the ability of the parties to give consent or the genuineness of their consent at the time of the wedding. In this type of a case, the tribunal is looking at all of the various aspects of covenant which I mentioned in order to determine if something essential is missing. It does this by obtaining testimony from various people. It also gathers the various documents and any reports that might be important. Other types of cases are called documentary cases because the proofs are normally obtained from official documents only. Examples are Lack of Form or Prior Bond cases. Lack of Form pertains to whether certain prescribed formalities were followed. Prior Bond addresses whether a specific type of impediment was present at the time of the wedding. There are also Privilege cases. Such cases do not involve declarations of invalidity. They are dissolution cases. Normally, they are based on the ability to prove the non baptism of one or both at the time of the wedding, and the fulfillment of other requirements.

FAITH: Do all divorced people need a declaration of invalidity or is it just divorced Catholics?
Jaramillo: This question necessitates understanding that there are two different types of marriages. One is called a sacramental marriage because it is the union of two Christians. In virtue of their baptisms, these two people invite God to enter into their marriage in a special way. A sacramental marriage is also called a Christian marriage. It is an effective sign of Christ’s presence within the world. The other type of marriage is called a nonsacramental marriage. It occurs either between two nonbaptized persons or between a baptized person and a nonbaptized person. Some people also refer to these marriages as natural marriages. Since marriage has been created by God, it is good. It is also a part of the natural order. Even in these nonsacramental marriages, the Catholic Church believes that God enters into them through grace. His abiding love is present to the spouses, although not like a Christian marriage. Church teaching holds that both Christian marriages and natural marriages are one and indissoluble. They are permanent. Rooted in divine law, this means that no one can dissolve a valid marriage. This is not a recent teaching. It is evident in the teachings of St. Augustine, for instance, who lived in the 300s. Divine law binds all Christians, regardless of their denomination, as well as those who are not baptized. If they have been married before and now want to marry in the Catholic Church, they must abide by this law. This is the reason why the tribunal hears more than just cases involving Catholics.

Officers of
the tribunal,
Diocese of Lansing

Judicial Vicar:
Msgr. Raymond Goehring, JCL
The judicial vicar is a priest who holds a degree in canon law and has been appointed by the bishop. He is the chief administrator of the tribunal.

Judges:
Eileen C. Jaramillo, JCL
Fr. Jeffrey A. Kassian, JCOL
Msgr. George C. Michalek, JCL
Fr. Phillip J. Schweda, JCL
A judge is a priest, deacon, vowed religious or lay person who holds a degree in canon law and has been appointed by the bishop to assist the judicial vicar in judging cases.

Defenders of the Bond:
Dcn. John M. Cameron, JCL
Fr. Rev. Bennett P. Constantine, JCDThe defender of the bond is a person who holds a degree in canon law and is appointed by the bishop. The principal role of the defender is to uphold the validity of the marriage by indicating to the judge all the reasons why the annulment should not be granted. This individual also ensures that proper procedures have been followed.

Promoter of Justice:
Fr. Charles Irvin, JD, MDiv.
In regards to marriage cases, the promoter could present the petition for a declaration of invalidity to the judge when the petitioner is unable to do so. This person also has a degree in canon law and has been appointed by the bishop.

Court Psychologist:
Richard G. Strife, Ph.D.
An expert is appointed by the judge whenever such an individual is needed in order to establish some fact or clarify an issue. Most often, the tribunal uses a psychologist in order to pinpoint how the psychological issues are affecting a marriage case.

Notaries and Secretaries:
Virginia A. DeLuca
Wanda D. Miller
A notary has been appointed by the bishop to authenticate juridical acts. In marriage cases, this individual also serves as a secretary.

---

Common steps of the annulment process: a Formal case

Here is a general overview of the various steps of a Formal case, which is the most common type of case submitted to the tribunal. For more complete details or for the procedures involved in other types of cases, contact the tribunal.

step 1: A meeting is held between the petitioner – the person who wants to begin the process – and the individual who will be representing and working on behalf of the petitioner, known as the procurator-advocate (PA). This trained individual can be a priest, a deacon, a vowed religious or a lay person. The PA will determine that a Formal case rather than another type of case is needed. This individual will then go over all the materials which must be completed by the petitioner. These include: providing written answers to the tribunal’s questionnaire, furnishing the names and addresses of at least two witnesses and the gathering of various documents such as the marriage record and the divorce decree.
step 2: When the necessary items are submitted to the tribunal by the PA, the judicial vicar assigns a judge or a panel of judges, a defender of the bond and notaries.
step 3: The respondent – the other spouse – is cited, informed of the process as well as his rights and asked if he is willing to participate. If there is no response, the case moves on.
step 4: In the instruction phase, witnesses receive a questionnaire through the mail and are asked to return it. If needed, the court psychologist would also interview the parties during this step. When the instruction step has been completed, the parties are notified. If they have nothing further to add, the case is concluded.
step 5: The defender of bond then writes a brief arguing for the validity of the marriage and assuring the judge(s) that the integrity of the process has been respected. The judge(s) then renders a decision. The parties and the defender of the bond are informed of the decision and their rights at this point in the process. If the judge(s) finds that the marriage is invalid, an affirmative decision will be rendered. If there is no appeal, it automatically goes to a second instance tribunal for ratification. If they ratify it, a declaration of invalidity is issued. The notaries and secretaries are active throughout the process. The promoter of justice is rarely involved in formal cases, but might be, depending on the situation.

Ordination 2004
meet the 3 new priests
for the Diocese of Lansing
Interviews By Bob Horning | Photography by Christine Jones

Fr. Robert Roggenbuck grew up in Bad Axe, Mich., where he attended Sacred Heart Parish. He left the Church at age 16. Later, he had a conversion experience through involvement with Youth for Christ. Reading Thomas Aquinas and Cardinal John Henry Newman were big factors in his return to the Catholic Church at age 24, which also led to the rekindling of his thoughts about the priesthood.

Fr. Bob Roggenbuck

Tell us a little about your family. My father was both a farmer and real estate agent, and now spends a lot of time in his semi-retirement doing woodworking, while my mother is a photographer. I have two younger sisters – one married with children and the other in college.

Did you consider the priesthood as a youth? Yes, at around 12 or 13, but I stifled it later on. When I came back to Catholicism, I knew the attraction was still there. It was like John Paul II describes for himself, “a light dawning in the back of my mind,” and seemed nearly irresistible if I intended to be genuinely happy.

You went to seminary at Mundelein, just north of Chicago. How did you like it? I especially enjoyed philosophy and systematic theology. I think seminaries should emphasize philosophy because we need to know why we believe as well as what we believe.

How did being in seminary change you? I became more aware of my need to depend on the Lord. It also helped me gain a sense of authentic Catholicism after having been away from the Church. I also grew from my two weeks in India with Catholic Relief Services, my summer hospital chaplaincy in New York City and an internship at St. John the Evangelist in Davison.

What are you looking forward to as a priest? Celebrating the sacraments, especially Eucharist and reconciliation. My love for the sacrament of reconciliation comes from being keenly aware of my own weaknesses and then appreciating the value of forgiveness. I want to be a good confessor almost more than anything. I also enjoy preaching, helping the poor and working with young people.

Despite our problems and challenges, this is an exciting time to be a priest. We live in a world that desperately needs the Gospel. The world needs to see us living what the priesthood is – what authentic Catholicism is – a radical life for Jesus. Today’s seminarians and new priests are unabashedly Catholic. Abortion, contraception, unjust aggression for national interest, violent solutions to the world’s problems, economic inequity and indifference to the poor are all examples of things the Church stands against in our “culture of death,” and it is a privilege for me to help in that work in some small way.

Does anything scare you about being a priest? If we are not careful, we can lose the center of it all, the Lord Himself, and become overly enamored with our own lives – our schedules and agendas. But God is faithful and comes looking for us, and keeps us on track in the end.

What are your main assets to the Church? I am passionate about, and for, the Church, and I think I have a sense of vision. If there is a new or better way of sharing Christ’s love, the Church should be engaged in it. I have never been criticized for being overly conventional, and I think that can be a good thing.

List some of your ‘favorites’ and why. Book: The Lord of the Rings. I have read it 16 times. It captures elements both of our faith and of what it means to be authentically human.

Movie: One of my favorite ways to relax is to watch a film. My overall favorite is The Mission, because it demonstrates, at least in part, the Church’s response to suffering and our solidarity with the poor and marginalized.

After retiring from the Navy as a chief petty officer in April 1997, Lewis Eberhart contacted the Lansing Diocese about entering seminary. He began his studies at Sacred Heart School of Theology in Hales Corner, Wisc., in August of that year. Of the 110 students, he was the only one from our diocese. Fr. Lew is 46 years old.

Fr. Lew Eberhart

Where were you born? In Burlington, Vt., but my parents later settled in Michigan, and I graduated from Wayne Memorial High School. I have four brothers and one sister, all younger than me.

What was your job in the Navy? Security, damage control, and then near the end, I was the chief in charge of the Navy chapel at Naval Air station, Patuxent River, Md.

How did you cope with the six-month tours at sea? I didn’t mind them, because part of that time we were able to spend in ports. I especially liked Mallorca, Spain, which was clean, friendly and inexpensive. The cathedral there has a Star of David over the altar, which took my breath away in its beauty.

Did being in the Navy influence your decision to become a priest? Yes. For instance, I was in Beirut in April 1983 when the Marine barracks was blown up by terrorists. I was near the University of Beirut, so I ended up helping at the scene for four or five days. It had a significant impact in underscoring to me how precious life is and in my decision to serve the people of God.

In addition, I was a lay Eucharistic minister aboard ship, often functioning as a deacon would. I would take the ciborium full of consecrated hosts aboard ship, then lock it in a safe place. I was the only one with a key. At port stops, I could get more on shore from a local priest.

During my time in the military, I had a growing awareness that God wanted me to be a priest. I had actually thought about it first at age 13, having been influenced by a young, dynamic priest, who served as an Army chaplain.

How was seminary? Great. Anyone can learn theology; but learning about yourself and being moved by the Spirit to make personal changes is much harder. I had to learn to empty myself of my concerns, listen to others and let them come into me, as St. Teresa of Avila teaches.

My summer as duty chaplain at Beaumont Hospital in Royal Oak was a chance to put the classroom into practice, to “jump into the frying pan.” I remember baptizing a dying child. That increased my desire to enter the priesthood.

What are you most looking forward to in being a priest? Serving the people and making new friends among other priests. Instructors at seminary, as well as Bishop Mengeling, urge us to have a priest support group.

What would you say about the status of the priesthood? I am encouraged about the way Bishops Povish and Mengeling handled things years ago, so that the sex abuse scandal wouldn’t be a big problem in our diocese. There has been plenty of bad news printed, which is necessary, but the story we need to get out is about the great priests we have.

What do you see as your main gifts as a priest? I have loved Scripture since my youth, and that has been cultivated over the years. I love to talk about it, and have conducted two Bible classes as a seminarian. There is a hunger among Catholics for the Word.

Who is your favorite saint? St. Thomas à Becket. He was a sinner and a man of the world, but when it came time to uphold God’s Word, he did it at the expense of his life.

Fr. Nathaniel Sokol first thought about the priesthood as an altar server in fourth grade, but dismissed the idea for several reasons (see below). It came up again as a sophomore in college, and soon after, he was admitted to St. John Vianney Seminary in St. Paul, Minn. He finished his studies at the Pontifical North American College in Rome.

Fr. Nate Sokol

Are you originally from the Lansing Diocese? I was born in Anderson, Ind., in 1977, but after high school, my family moved to Flushing, Mich., because my father was transferred with General Motors.

Why did you dismiss your thoughts about the priesthood as a youth? I was very shy and introverted, and had a learning disability that I thought would prevent me from learning what is necessary to become a priest. I had to learn skills to compensate for my mild dyslexia – which I no longer have – and poor reading comprehension. I worked very hard in elementary school to receive average grades. I still don’t read for “fun,” since I learn better on an auditory level. Books on tape have been a tremendous assistance.

After fourth grade, I focused on math and science, since they involved memorization, not reading comprehension. I planned on either being an engineer like my father, or doing something in biology or environmental science.

What made you reconsider? Talking to Fr. Jamie Ziminiski, the campus chaplain at Northern Michigan University, as well as vocation director for the Marquette Diocese. He said, “Nate, you will never know if you are to be a priest unless you give seminary a try. It will make you a better person no matter what you discern as God’s will for you. No one regrets the time he spends in seminary. It is the best place to discern a vocation.” I decided to give it a try.

What did you like and dislike about the seminary? Major seminary is to be a place of formation for the diocesan priesthood. However, at times, I had the impression that the formation was more for cloistered religious life than for parish life.

On the positive side, at seminary you are surrounded by people working for the same goal, and as a result, I felt very supported by my classmates and brother seminarians.

I was most changed by my time working with our Air Force and Navy personnel at our base in Naples, Italy – as a chaplain candidate and my seminary apostolate – and with Bl. Mother Teresa’s Missionaries of Charity in Rome. At both places, I saw people living simply and a life of service and sacrifice. I learned that true beauty and perfection lie within each person’s soul, and I saw its potential for virtue.

What are you most looking forward to as a priest? Celebrating the sacraments and having the humbling privilege of working with, ministering to, and being nourished by the souls of those I encounter each day.

Are there any scary things about becoming a priest? I am not really scared, just somewhat unsure as to how I will adjust to the life of a priest. I hope and pray I am up to the fast-paced lifestyle.

Describe the caliber of men coming out of the seminary. It has been a privilege to study with, and learn from, the example of my brother seminarians. They inspire the best in me and give me hope that the Church is very much alive and well. I believe we are on the brink of a Catholic awakening in America. The faithful want to know their whole faith. The men coming out of the seminary today have been formed to meet this desire and the need to get back to fundamentals. They hope to recapture the sense of the sacred and holy.

Maybe you have asked, “What is the meaning of life?” “Why do I exist?” “What does God want me to do in life?” If you are a single man, perhaps He is calling you to be a priest. If you have ever sensed that you might be called, please call Fr. Jerry Vincke, director of seminarians, at (517) 342-2504 or e-mail jvincke@dioceseoflansing.org. More information on the priesthood can be found at dioceseoflansing.org.