FAITHmag.com | November 2003

How Ken & Teresa
fixed their troubled marriage
By Patricia Majher | Photography by James Luning

The summer of 2000 should have been the happiest time in Ken and Teresa Roof’s married life. They were comfortable in their careers and community. They had just celebrated their youngest child’s wedding. And their own anniversary – 35 years – was just around the corner. Instead, that summer nearly proved to be their undoing – Ken revealed he’d had an affair. Then, he moved out of their Adrian home with no intention of returning. ‘Devastated’ doesn’t begin to describe what Teresa felt when Ken closed the door that day. “I felt like I’d sunk into the deepest, darkest well – so low that I couldn’t ever imagine crawling out,” she says.

After a period of separation that included much
soul-searching and talking with his siblings, Ken
found his way back to Teresa. And Teresa found it in herself to forgive him and agree to attempt a reconciliation. Counseling – both as individuals and
as a couple – helped them over many hurdles. But what really brought Ken and Teresa closer, and helped them create a marriage they say that is better than before, was going through the Retrouvaille experience. Retrouvaille (pronounced ret-ro-vie, it’s French for ‘rediscovery’) is a Catholic program that seeks to help those in troubled marriages put the pieces back together and rebuild loving relationships.

The Retrouvaille movement originated in Québec in the 1970s, when the
facilitators of Marriage Encounter workshops noticed some participants coming
to the weekends with problems more severe than the workshop could handle.
Something had to be done to address issues like alcoholism, adultery and
abuse, they felt, and to support married couples who had nearly given up or
even filed for divorce.

That something became a new workshop, patterned on the format of Marriage
Encounter, but with presenters who had faced the toughest problems in a
marriage and come out of it renewed in their commitment to each other and to
God. This is exactly what the Roofs experienced when they went through it.

How did Ken and Teresa ever come to the point of nearly ending their
marriage? They seemed like a good match from the start, when – as membersof their high school band – they met and fell in love.

“Teresa was the girl of my dreams,” Ken says. “She was intelligent, beautiful
and would spend hours listening to me.” For her part, Teresa found Ken to be
“fun-loving and outspoken and very confident.”

In the mode of many couples marrying in the 1960s, the Roofs decided that
Ken would go to college while Teresa stayed home to raise a family. And they
were quickly blessed with a son. When he was diagnosed with cancer and died
before his second birthday, their grief was profound. But it didn’t pull them
apart. “As we worked through our loss, I came to relate it to walking through
fire together,” Teresa explains. “Weathering that made me believe there was
nothing we couldn’t face.” And so they continued on, committed to their
marriage and to the four additional children that came into their lives.

In the 1980s, the normal demands of
parenting a large family convinced them to
take a little time out and attend a Marriage
Encounter workshop. Though the weekend
went well and they walked away with new tools to tackle the challenges of married life,
Teresa acknowledges they didn’t always put
those tools to use. She explains, “I liken it to having all the gadgets you could want in a
kitchen – a blender, a food processor,
whatever – but never taking them down from
the shelf.”

Then, in the mid-1990s, their relationship really began to change. Ken
comments, “As the children grew older, I began to feel isolated from Teresa. I
judged that she no longer cared for me or my needs.” Teresa, too, recognized
that something was happening. “I felt like a wall was coming up between us. It
was a confusing and sad time. But I just decided we were overprogrammed and tired, and probably that was what it was like to get older.”

In response, Teresa retreated into the comforts of family life. And Ken, in his
loneliness, began to seek solace outside their marriage. Eventually, he decidedhe’d be happier if he left altogether.

Ken’s departure sent Teresa into therapy to deal with the emotional
aftermath. He also started to see a therapist and, in time, came to believe
that he’d made a big mistake in leaving his wife and their life together. After
severing his extramarital ties once and for all, Ken asked Teresa if she’d have
him back. Despite the reservations of family and friends, Teresa said yes, and
the process of reconciliation began.

For months, they attended therapy as a couple and felt they were making real
progress in recapturing their lost love. To signal the new direction their lives
were taking, the Roofs even took a hot-air balloon ride to symbolically “blow
the past away,” in Teresa’s words.

Near the end of their counseling period, their therapist suggested they think
about going on a Retrouvaille weekend – an idea that Ken seized upon with
enthusiasm. Teresa, however, was more skeptical. “I had mixed feelings about going through it,” she says. “We’d come a long way toward healing already and we’d made a pact to focus only on the future. What if going to Retrouvaille meant we were forced to open up old wounds and dredge up something else I wouldn’t want to hear?” In the end, Teresa decided to just take a leap of faith. “I thought, ‘God will take care of us.’” She also remembers telling Ken, “We can always leave (the workshop) if we want to.”

Fortunately, the Retrouvaille weekend,
facilitated by a priest and three couple-presenters at the St. Francis Retreat Center in DeWitt, was everything the Roofs hoped it would be – and more. “I just felt a peaceful feeling settle over me while we were there,” notes Teresa. “By the second day, we were talking about how we should become couple-presenters ourselves,” Ken remembers.

What really convinced them of the rightness
of their decision, however, were the
post-weekend presentations. This series of
follow-up sessions compelled Ken and Teresa to practice what they’d learned at the
Retrouvaille weekend. It also gave them the
opportunity to more closely explore the issues that were particular to their marriage – such as forgiveness, trust and deciding to love again.

One of the most important things that Ken was reminded of at Retrouvaille
was the need to live his life in a truthful manner. “I had learned to tell lies and
to be very deceptive,” he explains. “And I had to relearn how to always tell the
truth.” He admits that this policy of total truthfulness sometimes causes him
problems. “It can bring up difficulties or discomfort between us.”

“But it does help us get to the bottom of things,” offers Teresa, supportively.
“It helps us find a resolution to problems that – in the past – we might have
ignored.”

For Teresa’s part, the most important take-away from Retrouvaille were the
tools for better communication. “I used to do a lot of ‘mind-reading,’
assuming I knew what Ken was thinking,” she explains. “Now we talk everything out, using techniques like ‘mirroring’ (repeating what you hear someone say as a means of clarifying the message).”

A case in point happened on the day that Ken told Teresa, “I can’t spend too
much time with you.” “I interpreted that to mean he wanted more time to
himself,” explains Teresa. “Instead,” Ken interjects, “I was telling her I enjoyed her company so much that there weren’t enough hours in the day to do that.” Ken and Teresa laugh about this conversation now, but acknowledge it’s the kind of miscommunication that would have complicated their married life in the past.

But, thankfully for the Roofs, what’s past is very past. They lead a different life now, a more open and honest life that gives them peace and brings them
closer to God. “Our prayer life is enriched and our faith has been strengthened
– especially mine,” explains Ken.

And, true to their word, the Roofs are now active participants in the
Retrouvaille program. In fact, they coordinate the program for the Lansing
Diocese and sometimes serve as presenters in other dioceses – commitments
that take up 26 of their Sundays each year.

It’s a big commitment of time, especially while both still have their day jobs –
he as a partner in an accounting firm and she as executive assistant to the
prioress of the Adrian Dominicans. But Ken and Teresa think it’s well worth the
effort. “Somebody’s got to speak up for marriage,” says Ken.

This month, the Roofs will celebrate their 38th wedding anniversary. And, amazingly, their relationship seems to be better than ever. “I give all the credit to Teresa,” Ken declares. “If she had gone out and consulted a lawyer, we’d probably be divorced today. If it hadn’t been for her patience and giving me the room to make the decisions I needed to make, this could just as easily have been over.”

Teresa adds, “I give all the credit to
God. The only thing that made sense
to me during that time of turmoil was relying on God to tell me what to do. I prayed to Him, and my prayers were answered.”

Looking for a local link to a useful Web site that contains materials about
making your marriage work? Click on www.yourmarriagematters.com, a Web
site of the Lansing Diocese’s Family Ministry Office. You’ll find everything there
from upcoming parish based talks and retreats to a listing of pertinent books,
magazines, videos, pamphlets and reports. Also included are links to Web sites dedicated to the preservation of Christian marriages.

Feel like you’re drowning in the despair of a damaged marriage? The
Retrouvaille movement, symbolized by a lifesaver logo, is there to help. This
internationally renowned program for rebuilding marriages starts with a
weekend experience in which you are helped to reestablish communication and
to gain new insights into yourselves – as individuals and as a couple.

The experience is facilitated by a priest and three couple-presenters that
share their own stories of struggle, reconciliation and healing. You’ll come
together with other couples to hear these stories, but you’ll also spend a good
deal of time on your own, recording your feelings about what you have heard
and sharing them with your spouse in complete privacy.

Because the pain of a troubled marriage cannot be wiped away in one weekend, the Retrouvaille experience also includes a series of six follow-up sessions that help you explore the deeper issues that divide you. Follow-up topics include:

Couples who persist – who complete the weekend and the follow-up sessions – dramatically increase their chances of reinvigorating their marriages. Surveys of Retrouvaille couples report that more than 80 percent are still together two years after engaging in the experience.

Though Retrouvaille originated in the Catholic Church, it is open to couples of
all faiths. A non-refundable registration fee is required to confirm your
reservation. Additionally, a good-faith donation is solicited at the end of the
weekend to cover food and lodging expenses, though no couple is ever denied
the chance to heal because of financial difficulties.

For more information about the program, click on www.retrouvaille.org or call the Michigan coordinators in Lansing (517) 669-6631, Detroit (313) 237 6052,
Gaylord (989) 732-1719 or Grand Rapids (616) 752-7004.

why this hi-tech wiz went to jail
Meet Jim Russo: ‘a Bill Gates with no
desire for money’ and a zeal for justice
By Bob Horning | Photography by Christine Jones

Jim Russo could be called a technological nerd. Given that he was a co inventor of the word processor, that would be correct. But don’t stereotype him, because that might not fit with the fact that he was kicked out of seminary, has been tossed in jail more than once and has been an anti-war protester since the sixties.

His father describes him as a “Bill Gates without the desire for money.” He has three jobs, not to mention being a husband and father, that keep him busy: communications director at St. Francis of Assisi Church in Ann Arbor, “Mr. Fixit” of technology at Catholic Social Services in Washtenaw County, and national secretary of Jubilee USA, as well as its webmaster.

A look at his background is needed to bring all of this into focus. He was born in Niagara Falls, N.Y., “home of the original Nabisco Shredded Wheat,” as he likes to say. He moved with his parents and sister to Dearborn Heights, Mich., in 1963. It was soon after that he entered the seminary, but was expelled for his anti-war views – that being a time when most of the Jesuit leadership was not opposed to the U.S. presence in Vietnam.

So, Russo enrolled at the University of Michigan. There, he expressed his opposition to the war by stealing his draft board file, resulting in an indictment for interfering with the Universal Military Training Act.

The trial, which in those days usually ended with a five-year prison sentence for similar cases, was attended by enough of Russo’s supporters to fill the small courtroom, and all were praying for him. When the verdict came – two years of probation – Russo could only conclude that “the judge was overwhelmed by prayer.”

Then began a career in technology, an area familiar to him. His father, Sam, had been a programmer of the first computer for commercial use, which Univac made for RCA. Jim became a well-known inventor in his field. Besides inventing the word processor, he also built the first one to be used commercially, for Ford Motor Company. Other inventions of his include video time shifting, which is used in products such as TiVo, and a plug-in wall thermostat, the rights to which were bought by Honeywell.

After about 30 years in high-tech, and recognizing the many needs in the Church, Russo decided that he would rather use his talent in a mission he believed in, rather than for companies with which he didn’t always agree.

About six years ago, he approached Fr. Charles Irvin, then pastor at St. Francis, and asked for a job. Because Russo had taught Fr. Irvin how to use a computer and interested him in the Internet, Fr. Irvin was able to see the value in hiring Russo as communications director.

Now, Russo keeps track of services and ministries, facilitates communication with parishioners, fixes what is broken and handles the parish Web site, where he posts the parish bulletin. He also has developed online forms to register new parishioners and for current parishioners to fill out a time and talent survey.

Russo’s bent for social justice concerns is able to have an outlet at the parish level, too. Fr. Irvin, who first knew Russo when they were both at St. Mary Student Parish, says that “Jim has had a significant impact on keeping the parishes aware of social justice concerns. His spirituality is Christ centered, Bible-based and oriented to the respect for all people, especially the marginalized.”

Jim is proud of one recent action at St. Francis. “When we decided that we wanted uniforms for our school children, we also decided that we would not buy them from a company that runs sweatshops,” he says. “As a result, the parents are paying more for the uniforms, but they are helping the people in that country, rather than just adding to the profits of the manufacturer. To work toward justice will cost Americans in their pocketbook.”

Another of Russo’s activities is to work with the Michigan Peace Team. Barbara Pott, who is the diocesan director of Catholic Relief Services and the Catholic Campaign for Human Development, remembers five years ago when the Ku Klux Klan marched in Ann Arbor. “Jim was physically roughed up,” Pott says, “as a result of putting his body in the middle of the fray between the KKK and those who protested their presence, in order to keep peace. Jim has the highest level of integrity of anyone I have met as far as doing what he preaches, walking what he believes.”

Russo has been in jail as a result of protesting outside of Planned Parenthood clinics and for his anti-war activities. Even now, he has a court date as a result of his stance in front of the Federal Building in Ann Arbor against the Iraq war.

Perhaps his greatest involvement presently is with Jubilee USA, an outgrowth of Jubilee 2000, which was started by the U.S. bishops in response to Pope John Paul II’s call to forgive the debt of the world’s poorest countries. Russo helped to spearhead a petition drive toward that end in the Diocese of Lansing that resulted in 14,000 signed postcards being sent to legislators and the World Bank.

“The amount of debt that these countries owe is a miniscule sum to us and to the other countries they owe – but to them it is huge,” Russo says. “If they could put the money towards health and education instead, it would bring big changes.” Russo noted examples that are on the Jubilee Web site, www.jubileeusa.org.

Tanzania received three billion dollars in debt relief and has used the savings to increase education spending and eliminate fees for elementary school. Within three months, an estimated 1.6 million children returned to school. And in Mozambique, because of debt relief, a half-million children are being vaccinated against tetanus, whooping cough and diphtheria.

“Debt is being used as a way to control these countries economically, socially and politically,” he says. “We have made some progress, but our need is to mobilize people to pressure Congress to do what they said they would do. It will happen only if it’s done by millions of people, not just by the pope and a rock star.”

“To me, this is not just an abstract social problem,” Russo says. “I have met many of the people who are involved in debt relief, and it affects me deeply. It is no longer just the rich helping the poor. The poor are doing it themselves, and being trained to help others.”

None of Russo’s actions are at the abstract level. His dad says that until Jim was married he was always penniless. “He would come home without a coat because he had given it away. We would get him a new one, but it was soon gone, too. He would give his money to help people pay their bills or to buy things for them. I am proud of what he does. No question about it.”

Why does Russo do what he does? “I see myself as helping the complacent to become less complacent,” he says. “Though our government is doing things wrong in some areas, there still are a lot of American traditions that are worth saving and renewing. The principles of the Declaration of Independence and the Bill of Rights that our country were founded on are being lost. I want to help Americans find salvation by not ignoring those around them.”

Catholic Relief Services:
The Need for International Debt Relief

The Catholic Relief Services Office of the Diocese of Lansing is co-sponsoring a series of presentations in parishes, non-Catholic churches and community organizations about the international debt crisis. Pope John Paul II has called for the full cancellation of international debt to heavily indebted poor countries (HIPCs) so that countries may furnish basic medical care, education and human services to their citizens. Jubilee USA, a grassroots organization supported by many faith-based groups, including a number who are Catholic, will host their semi-annual Network Council meeting in November in Jackson, Michigan. In conjunction with that meeting, national and international speakers will be available to talk with parish groups around the diocese about the debt crisis. Please call Barb Pott at (517) 342-2470 for more information.

Ethel opened up her home to refugees from Laos
you'll be inspired by this one-woman social justice machine
who won this year's Seeker of Justice Award

Ethel Hooker was very surprised when she received a nomination for the prestigious 2003 Seeker of Justice Award. “I was even more surprised when I found out I was selected,” says Ethel, who was notified via letter from the Catholic Diocese of Lansing.

The letter stated that her work with the poor had been recognized by the Catholic Campaign of Human Development (CCHD) diocesan committees as a series of powerful and effective demonstrations on how to empower the poor. “From charity to justice, your efforts have helped the poor and immigrants to stand more on their own and develop a greater sense of dignity than they might otherwise have had,” the letter read.

Ethel will receive the 2003 Dr. Albert Wheeler Smith Seeker of Justice Award from Bishop Carl F. Mengeling on Nov. 6 at Star Hall, St. Mary Star of the Sea Parish, Jackson.

Born in Shelby County, Ind., on April 15, 1930, Ethel graduated from Waldron High School, after which she traveled to Indianapolis to work as a secretary for the Indiana State Highway Department. She then moved to Flint, Mich., in 1954.

“In my younger years, I attended various Protestant churches,” says Ethel. “We had friends who were Catholics and I attended Mass with them from time to time.” In 1961, Ethel took instructions at Holy Redeemer Catholic Church, Burton, and became a member of the faith. “This felt like a coming home and still does,” says Ethel.

She attended St. Agnes Church, Flint, until the late ‘60s, when due to crowded Masses, she and her husband began attending Sacred Heart. “When we heard Fr. George Zabelka, we wanted to be a part of Sacred Heart Parish,” says Ethel. “He said we could come on over, so we did. Through his fervent talks on peace, I became involved with some of the peace demonstrations. This was fortified by Fr. Pete Dougherty, whom I consider a prophet in our times.”

When Fr. Tom Thompson became pastor of Sacred Heart, he got Ethel interested in social justice ministry. “There have been so many things that I have done in that area, but one that stands out most is the resettlement of the Laos refugees,” she says. “Our church had applied for a Vietnamese family, but when the application came up there were none left. Therefore, I became the first in the area to have Laotian refugees.”

According to Ethel, a large committee was formed to help with the resettlement of the Nachampassaks, a family of five. After they were settled, Ethel found herself with room, and because there were few sponsors for single men, she took Allen Lertkiat, and then in a few months, another, Phinnoubath Vannouvong. Both were in their late 20s and stayed about a year.

“Allen was a big help because he spoke fluent English, while Vannouvong spoke none,” says Ethel. “This was a great blessing, especially for my youngest daughter, Carina, who grew up with the culture of the Orient right there.”

Ethel became acquainted with regional and national people who dealt with the refugee resettlement. She talked to other churches and together they established a network to give support to one another.

Retiring from Michigan Bell Telephone Company after 25 years, Ethel became an assistant at Sacred Heart under Dr. Connie McClanahan. During that time, she enrolled in and completed the LIMEX studies out of Loyola University, New Orleans. When McClanahan left in 2001, Ethel was appointed pastoral manager of the church, a role she continues.

Ethel is also a member of the Board of Catholic Outreach and the St. Francis Prayer Center, Flint. She is currently in training for spiritual direction.

The busy woman is a Hospice volunteer with Genesys Hospice. Her husband’s death from cancer in 1999 piqued her interest in Hospice. She coordinates St. Vincent de Paul activities at Sacred Heart and, during the tax season, is an AARP tax counselor.

Her interests include attending art shows and antique festivals – she collects salt dips and Santas. Making jelly from her own fruits to give to others is a passion, along with gardening and traveling to see family members and famous sites.

Some of her causes are banning land mines, eliminating the death penalty, saving the habitats for wildlife, nonviolent solutions, conserving natural resources and health care for all.

“I can’t think of anyone more deserving of the prestigious Dr. Albert Wheeler Seeker of Justice Award than Ethel,”“She journeys wit says Maureen Ottney, head of outreach and human services ministry at St. John the Evangelist, Fenton.h steadfastness, loyalty and commitment. I’ve known her since 1975 and she is true to the mission.”

Looking back at her journey, Ethel says, “This has been an unbelievable journey from the farmland of Indiana to managing Sacred Heart Parish. I am truly blessed.”

Catholic Campaign for Human Development

Founded in 1969, the Catholic Campaign for Human Development (CCHD) is the domestic anti-poverty, social justice program of the United States Catholic Bishops.

Since 1991, the Dr. Albert Wheeler Seeker of Justice award has been given annually to an individual or an organization that effects extraordinary changes toward a more just society through living the Gospel of peace and justice in the Diocese of Lansing. The first award was given to Dr. Albert Wheeler – a founding member of the Catholic Campaign for Human Development – and was named in his honor.

Ethel Hooker will receive the award, presented by Bishop Carl Mengeling, on Thursday, Nov. 6, at the annual CCHD Celebration of Justice Dinner. For more information about this event or the Catholic Campaign for Human Development, contact Barb Pott at (517) 342-2470.

What do a modern-day professor from Canada and a 13th-century saint from Italy have in common? The answer, improbably enough, is a cookbook, called Cooking with the Saints: An Illustrated Treasury of Authentic Recipes Old and Modern.

Ernst Schuegraf, a professor of computer science at St. Francis Xavier University in Nova Scotia, loves his vocation. But he also loves his avocation, which is cooking. While
glancing through cookbooks one day, he noticed two recipes that mentioned the names of saints and decided to
see if he could find more that had connections to holy people.

When he’d compiled more than a hundred such recipes, he gave a literary
agent a call and sold his idea for a Catholic cookbook honoring the feast days
of significant saints. And Cooking with the Saints was born.

The book, published in 2000 by Ignatius Press, contains 170 recipes for main
courses, side dishes, soups, snacks, breads, and desserts. More than 70
different saints, from Agnes to Wilfrid, are honored within its pages, which also
include biographical sketches and famous portraits of each.

In St. Francis of Assisi’s biography, Schuegraf notes that, “Francis insisted
that all brethren should live in simplicity and poverty and entirely from alms.”
Though a man of simple means, the Italian saint did allow himself the luxury
of biscotti, a twice-baked sweetened bread. Says Schuegraf: “It is supposedly
one of the few foods that St. Francis let himself really enjoy.” Tradition has it
that St. Clare prepared it for him.

The search for an authentic biscotti recipe led Schuegraf to Wilma Reiva
LaSasso’s 1958 title, The All Italian Cookbook (second edition, Regional Italian Cooking), published by The Macmillan Company. We reprint LaSasso’s recipe here with the kind permission of her estate.

Got a really sweet tooth? You can add additional flavor to the biscotti – and
emphasize the connection to St. Francis – by dipping half of each treat into
dark chocolate and drizzling white chocolate on top to create the appearance of a Franciscan sandal.

If Cooking with the Saints appeals to you, you might want to check out these
other Catholic-oriented cookbooks as well:

Upon reading this beatitude, I was reminded of a story I heard a long time ago about a Native American tribe which had been converted to Christianity. This particular tribe so literally appropriated the message of the Gospels regarding love of one’s enemies in their collective life that when a neighboring tribe attacked them, they offered no resistance. They faced their enemies without any resort to violence and were consequently slaughtered.

At first glance, this story seems to fly in the face of common sense. It takes the "turn the other cheek" philosophy to dangerous extremes converting adherents into passive, submissive bystanders which in turn paves the way for domination by potentially evil, totalitarian forces. After all, the exercise of the right to self-defense is one of our most cherished ideals … right? Well this beatitude invites us to really reflect on what is involved if we are to call ourselves peacemakers and subsequently children of God.

The Source

To understand this beatitude and its implications for our lives, it is first necessary to establish the true locus of all peace, healing and reconciliation in the world. Robert Schreiter, in his many writings on the reconciliation process, insists that it is only God who brings about peace and reconciliation, whether it be reconciliation of a person to himself or herself, reconciliation of estranged relatives or reconciliation between warring nations. We, as human beings and Christians, can never effect this reconciliation of our own accord. This is a very significant point as it places the control of any reconciliation process ultimately into the hands of God and not into those of humanity.

However, such rendering of control to God should not be confused with a life-denying nihilism or quietism. Christians indeed have a role in the work of peacemaking otherwise the beatitude would make no sense. It is pivotal though that our relationship to any peacemaking process be proper. Just as a disruption of peace is brought about by the disruption of our relationships with God, self, others and/or creation, the restoration of peace is dependent on our maintaining a right relationship in light of the peacemaking process. This beatitude helps us to see that in peacemaking our proper relationship is that of children to God.

Sons and Daughters of God

In the Gospels, we are told that Jesus was perfectly conformed to the will of His Father. It is because of this relationship that He is called the Son of God. Likewise, we are sons and daughters of God when we do the will of the Father. Thus, it makes sense that the peacemakers will be called children of God because Jesus tells us in this beatitude that peacemaking conforms to the will of God.

Therefore, we, as the body of Christ on earth and the children of God, are to be the instruments through which God brings about reconciliation in the world. This means getting our egos out of the way, creating space for God’s loving presence and peace, and allowing God to touch others in need of healing through us. We are called to incarnate the Word in the world, to give birth to the Word, to create a dwelling place for the Word for it is only the Word who can bring real order and healing, the healing of God, not our own narrow, petty understanding of it.

“Making” Peace?

The question then becomes what this peacemaking looks like in the everyday world. After all it is easy to talk about incarnating the Word and doing the will of God, but what does this mean? Again, Robert Schreiter explains that for many the phrase "Forgive and forget" can all too often sum up the Christian approach to reconciliation. However, he is quick to point out that reconciliation is not an "easy" forgiveness and forgetfulness all too often results in the re-victimization of the victim and enables all forms of violence to continue. In other words, peacemaking does not call for a weak and submissive Christianity.

Perhaps instead peacemaking requires a radical renunciation of the ways of violence by Christians, a refusal to participate in violence in any form. If this is the case, then peacemaking is a lifestyle of love modeled on the life of Christ. Here again then the beatitudes combat the cunningness of the ego which often seeks to save the world by remaking it in its image while all the while claiming it is doing the will of God. History is full of the stories of violence and destruction that have resulted from such "peacemaking." No, instead the beatitudes start not out there with others but within each individual.

Radical Renunciation

The renunciation of all violence rooted in self-centeredness by Christians is described as radical because it flies in the face of all worldly common sense and instincts for survival, i.e. it directly and absolutely challenges the ego. Just how radical is this call to renunciation? Well, Matthew gives us a little taste of what this practically entails:

• not only shall you not kill, but you shall not let anger consume you and divide you from your brothers and sisters
• offer no resistance to one who is evil
• if someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other one to him as well
• if pressed into service for one mile, go two
• give to the one who asks of you
• love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you

To the ego, each of these passages reads as suggesting the adoption of a passivity and submissiveness that describes the Native American tribe’s response to its attackers which ultimately led to its extermination. How distasteful this must truly be to any person or nation that takes pride in its strength, power and ability to overcome.

Yet, here we have these instructions by Jesus. In order to comprehend what Jesus is teaching us, we have to understand that for Jesus like produces like (judge not lest ye be judged and the measure with which you measure will be measured out to you). In other words, any form of violence will yield further violence, ultimately directed upon the initiators of the violence. Thus, if we are to be an instrument for peace, the break with self-centered violence must be complete and must encompass all its forms no matter how subtle. This attention to the forms of ego driven violence in our lives demands relentless attention on the part of the individual because as long as there is this violence in the individual, that individual will visit violence upon others even in the speaking out against violence. Why?

Love as Invitation

The turn from violence by each individual Christian is so crucial to the work of peace because to build peace is to seek justice which requires love. Contrary to the initial reaction of the ego, the renunciation of violence is not a weak, passive response to a violent world. It in fact takes great courage to speak out against injustice in the world, to stand up to the powers of destruction and yet to not engage in the same destructive violence in our resistance to those powers in order to defend our own life or to impose our own will.

If we are to truly give birth to the Word, who is Love, we have to mirror the Word. Jesus never imposed his message on anyone. Instead, Love always and everywhere exists as an invitation to those who choose to hear and see. And Love continues to abide whether it is rejected or received. We must do the same. We must be who we are, children of God, the voice of the Word in the world offering the way of Love to all, yet out of Love respecting the other enough in their decision to accept or reject the invitation (and the form such acceptance/rejection might take in their own life regardless of how it differs from our "view" of how it should be.)

This is what it means to say "Yes!" to Love – it is to live love. Anything else is an illusion. Love does not dominate, does not draw attention to itself, does not insist on its own way and vision. It simply loves.

Therefore in a very real way, to love in a world of violence is in essence to give up the right to exist. It is the most difficult thing the ego will ever do because it goes against its very structure. But this is not to be confused with a death wish. Anyone who looks to die is also under an illusion – the desire for martyrdom and suffering can be another way of the ego looking to "be" something by attracting attention to itself.

Neither is giving up the right to exist in this sense synonymous with hating life. It is the direct opposite. It is to always and everywhere affirm life and one’s place in it. It demonstrates one’s proper understanding of one’s relationship to God, self, others, and creation. In fact, it could be argued that it is the ultimate affirmation of life – to only desire to incarnate the Way, the Truth, and the Life allowing one’s own selfish demands and desires to fade into the background in order to create the space for the Word to exist through oneself.

And in Jesus’ own life we see the perfect living out of this radical God-centeredness. Anything that threatened this God-centeredness was rejected by Jesus (temptations, Peter’s plea for Jesus to not go into Jerusalem, the refusal to defend Himself before the Sanhedrin, His critique of those who had fallen away from God and who sought to lead others away from God, His expulsion from the temple of those who had transformed it into a market-focused venture versus a God-centered institution.)

It is only from such a God-centered stance that others will see the good that we do and give glory TO God. It is only from a God-centered stance that our peacemaking can restore those separated from society by disease, possessions, and sin to full participation in the life of the Body of Christ. This is because this stance allows the ego to recede and Jesus Christ to continue His healing mission through us. In contrast, when we act from an ego-centeredness, our actions will inevitably lead to isolation, conflict, destruction and the dissolution of relationships.

The Very Real Consequences

Yet, there are some very real consequences to this "peacemaking" lifestyle that Christians are called to live. The story of the Native American tribe at the beginning of this article and the lives of many of our saints make this point all too clearly. The Gospels also remind us that the Son of God was scourged, mocked, abandoned, and crucified. However, the Gospels also tell us how it was through the cross that God reconciled the world.

While we may never lose our physical life, we run the risk of being misunderstood, of being viewed as weak and passive, of being dismissed as a nobody. To engage in the work of peacemaking in all our relationships is to engage in work where we have no control over the outcomes, where the results often differ greatly from our expectations, and where the invitation to love is rejected more times than not. All of this can be quite disarming to the ego and it will undoubtedly rebel to re assert its importance as the center.

Perhaps, this is why this beatitude is included in the Sermon on the Mount. All the beatitudes prepare one for the transcendence of the desires of the ego. Similarly, this beatitude recognizes that the ego is violence itself and that therefore the ego cannot "be" if Love is to exist. It therefore invites the reader to let go of the ego and to choose to become children of God by doing the will of God, i.e. to say Yes! to Love.

Douglas Culp is the Assistant Academic Dean at the University of St. Mary of the Lake and a graduate theology student at Catholic Theological Union. He currently resides in Oak Park, IL with his wife Yvette. He can be reached at dculp@usml.edu.

Multi-Culturalism and St. Martin De Porres
By Ron Landfair

"What do you mean when you say "multi-cultural’?" the student asked. It was I decided an innocent enough question, but one loaded with a number of meanings and interpretations from the student’s as well as from my own perspective. "Well," I answered, it depends on your definition of culture. One of the things I’ve learned over the years is that culture doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone. You have to establish a standard so that when two or more people are discussing culture, you know that you are both talking about the same thing." I continued, "Culture can be anything that describes people -- so ethnic background, height, gender, geography or age can be cultural modifiers that either groups people together or in some ways separates them." "Consider St. Martin De Porres," I said, immediately reflecting back to a conversation between Serapio Hernandez (Diocesan Director of Hispanic and Migrant Ministry) and myself just days earlier.

"Ron," Serapio said, "We share an interesting personal history. I have grandsons and you have sons who have a multi-ethnic background. How do they see themselves? Do they gravitate towards one ethnic or racial identity over the other?" It was not the first time that Serapio had posed a reflective question of that kind (and I knew it would not be the last). This one however, gave me pause to think. "You know, Serapio, I don’t think I’ve ever thought about that before. I think they claim both their mother’s Irish ancestry as well as my African-American identity as valid."

"What is curious though," I continued, "is how others see them." Our conversation continued, with Serapio reflecting on his grandson’s struggles with ethnic self-identification. He intoned, "This reminds me of St. Martin De Porres -- people never think of him as multi-cultural, but he really is."

Serapio’s observation is keenly accurate. Born Dec. 9, 1569, in Lima, Peru he was an illegitimate child of Anna, his Black mother (a young, freed former slave), and Don Juan de Porres of Burgos, a Spanish nobleman. Wanted by neither, and abandoned to the streets at an early age, he could have become a thief, murderer or societal outcast. What he became instead was a beloved saint of many cultures.

The National Black Catholic Congress Web site (www.nbccongress.org) notes of St. Martin: