He says: A trip to Paris! I can’t wait to plan. She says: Can’t we just be a little spontaneous?

Jack and Sue are travelling to Paris for the first time. He wants to plan so they don’t miss anything. She just wants a little spontaneity.

He says: A trip to Paris! I can’t wait to plan.
Jack says: Sue and I both have vacation time coming next summer. I’d like to plan a trip to Europe. I’ve gotten all the books and guides, and I’m ready to set up a detailed itinerary so that we can get the most out of this trip.

She says: Can’t we just be a little spontaneous?
Sue says: I’m really excited about our vacation, too. But Jack wants to over-plan every detail. I just want to wander around Paris, finding little cafes and exploring. Can’t we just be spontaneous?

What do they do?: Congratulations on agreeing to the destination and that one of you is not hauling the other out of their comfort zone; the rest is easy! There is actually room for both of your desires to be met because both methods are needed to keep your activities and free time on track; yet not so rigidly on track that it becomes boring or frustrating. Communicating with one another is essential in planning this amazing trip so that each of you receives joy in seeing and experiencing in Paris what is most important to you both. We can call it ‘detailed-spontaneity’ or ‘spontaneous-details’ depending on which one of you wins the coin toss. Unless you are millionaires and can afford spur-of-the-moment pricing, a certain amount of pre-planning is essential so that you are not paying outrageous prices for the last remaining seats in the nose-bleed section at a sold-out concert or show. Tom and I were fortunate to be able to live overseas during our early years of marriage and we know first-hand that, without a plan when visiting some of the world’s exotic sights, some regrets will surface in later life. Regrets that we were not able to see some of the “more important” venues in the areas we visited. Of course we have rationalized our regrets by saying, “We will go to those places on our next visit!” Sadly, that
opportunity doesn’t always happen.
Often, the plan for the journey can be equal to or even better than the actual event and it gives you both an opportunity to discuss what each of you desires from this vacation. Realize that there will most likely be a time during the trip when compromising will be the order of the day because of weather or health issues. So you might as well start the compromising process during the trip planning phase.
Tom and I believe you both have the right idea about your vacation so long as both of you can become energized from your time together. Some people are energized through activities while others are energized through relaxation. The truth for most couples is a happy medium; a little of both can serve both needs. If this is a once-in-a-lifetime trip we would most certainly recommend that Jack and Sue develop a plan of action that fulfills both needs before arriving in Paris.
An important tip to remember is, it is not about ‘my’ vacation, it is about ‘our’ vacation - you, me and God. God calls us in marriage to lift up our partner and to make our spouse the most important person in the relationship. When we focus on satisfying our spouse’s desires, we are most often surprised at how our own desires are satisfied also. Go in the Spirit of love like a young bride loves her spouse and see what exciting memories the two of you can make. Bon Voyage!
– Tom and Jo Anne Fogle

Originally Published: October 2008