connecting
Love Languages: Growing in Intimacy
Growing in love over the years of marriage doesn’t happen by itself. You can’t take it for granted. You need to learn the great languages that communicate love. The second greatest commandment says, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Shouldn’t this apply to our spouses most of all? Many of us interpret this to mean we should love our spouses in exactly the same way as we would want to be loved. Wrong! Each of us experiences love uniquely. For example, if a husband is very busy and comes home one night with flowers and candy, he might think he’s really pouring on the love. But perhaps his wife would feel more loved if he simply spent more time together. In my own relationship with my wife Patty, if I want to really tell her how much I love her, I can do things around the house that need to be done. Here are five languages of love that are described in Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages. Figure out your love languages and share them with your spouse. Then find creative ways to communicate this.
1 Words of Affirmation
2 Quality Time
3 Receiving Gifts
4 Acts of Service
5 Physical Touch
-Tony Sperendi

Money Tip
Know your own credit!
Hopefully your payment habits and credit history were part of an open discussion before marriage, and you share the same bill-paying attitudes now. Our habits are tracked daily, and readily shared with any inquiring lender. These habits can make or break a family’s future. What rate of interest, how much ‘down’, or whether credit is granted rests on a credit score. Follow these tips to stay on top of your credit rating:
1 Learn what a good credit score is. The higher the better.
2 Obtain your credit report occasionally. It may have wrong or old information. You have a right to see your report.
3 Pay off any old disputes or collections, then make sure reports reflect that.
4 Do everything in writing, and be patient. Bureaucracies move s-l-o-w-l-y.
5 Pay bills on time! Do you know what you gain by paying late fees on a loan? Nothing!
A strong credit history will work to open doors for your family so you can reach your financial goals. -John Morris

Time Matters
It’s what you do that matters!
Quality is not the same as quantity! Sitting down in the evening with the family to watch a T.V. program is not the same as sitting down for an evening of games and interactive fun. Simply staying at home and “doing” individual things without active family interaction doesn’t accomplish the goal of building up the family unit. Fixing supper together, eating at the same time – at the same table – and cleaning up the kitchen together can be enjoyable, even if it only takes 20-30 minutes. Make your time together “quality time.” -Tom and JoAnne Fogle
Time Tip: No one claims not to have time to pray before meals because it would put you behind schedule for the day. The same is true when prayers are integrated into other areas in your family life. Designate events or places that will automatically trigger a prayer – for example, when you drive past a church or cemetery. (Tip from Time Management for Catholics by Dave Durand)

Romance
Hurt and forgiveness: How can we have any romance when we’re not getting along? For romance to take place, couples have to enjoy being in each other’s presence in and out of the bedroom. That can be very difficult when there has been a build up of hurts or resentments. In his book, Rekindle the Passion While Raising Your Kids, Anthony J. Garcia talks about how intimacy comes in many forms. Most of us only want the warm and fuzzy, gentle, sustaining, low-conflict form of intimacy. But there is also the intimacy of honest conversation, where anger and conflict are directly faced. Many of us try to avoid this scarier side of intimacy. It is important, however, for a couple to confront and discuss openly those things that come between them. We must be as committed to having the same kind of passion for communication and conflict resolution as we do for physical intimacy. Learn to practice forgiveness, and don’t let hurts build up over time just to keep the peace. Confront them and “fight” for the marriage. The deepest intimacy occurs when we seek and offer forgiveness. Many couples have testified that “making up”after a big disagreement has led to some of the most romantic moments of their marriage.
-Rick and Diane Peiffer

Originally Published: December 2004