I just don’t understand you
how to work with someone you just don’t “get”

Carol and Chuck have worked together for five years, but aren’t sure they could handle five more. They disagree about most workplace situations.

Carol says: Chuck drives me nuts! When we have a problem, we need to figure out a fix and get things working again. But Chuck wants to talk about root causes and long-term solutions; he over-analyzes everything. We have to fix the problem right now, and he’s wasting time!

Chuck says: Carol doesn’t get it – we keep fixing the same problems over and over again. Unless we step back and figure out why these things are happening – and try to come up with permanent solutions – we will continue to waste time and money, and lose quality. She can make me so frustrated!

The expert says: We all know people are different – but sometimes it’s difficult to tolerate those differences. Isabel Myers and her mother, Katherine Briggs, did a lot of work in the area of understanding personalities. They proposed that we need to honor our own gifts as well as the gifts of others. For example, one of the personality characteristics they clarified has to do with how we process information. Some people are more sensing: They look at the facts in front of them and focus more on the “now.” Others are more “intuitive”: They identify patterns and focus more on future possibilities. Neither is better than the other, but together they provide a better perspective on the big picture.

So – if Carol recognizes that Chuck is more intuitive, and Chuck understands that Carol is more sensing, they can combine their strengths to come up with a better solution. For example, standard problem-solving techniques instruct us to first develop a quick fix to alleviate the effects of a problem, and then we need to perform a root-cause analysis, in order to develop a long-term solution. In this context, it’s easy to see how Carol and Chuck can be more effective together rather than separately.

"Good teamwork calls for recognition and use of certain valuable differences between members of the team.” Myers , Type and Teamwork (1974)

Long before Myers and Briggs, St. Paul taught the same thing. In his first Letter to the Corinthians, he describes how the Holy Spirit has given us all unique gifts. (1 Cor 12) Individually, our gifts are of limited value, but together we are the body of Christ; we strengthen one another and God’s presence in the world. In order to grow in this spirit of oneness, we need to follow St. Francis’ advice to seek first to understand others – and their gifts – rather than be understood.

Originally Published: December 2006